Early Narcissistic Red Flags in Children

Personality disorders are not diagnosed until adulthood, simply because children and adolescents are still developing their personalities—and disorders in these areas must be diagnosed from long-term, consistent patterns of behavior. However, some children may exhibit emerging personality traits that are concerning—and they can be addressed to prevent them from escalating into something more serious.

Warning signs

Contemporary society breeds narcissism more than at any other time in history. We are surrounded by approval ratings, likes, and messages that physical appearance is all that matters—and who you step on to get to a place of acceptance doesn’t matter. Children, in particular, are forced to confront these messages multiple times a day and left wondering where and how they can fit in. That leaves kids at risk for developing some unhealthy traits, and being aware of those red flags is crucial in redirecting them.

Refusal to acknowledge mistakes or negative characteristics.

Children struggle, just like adults, with confronting the less-than-desirable aspects of their behaviors. That’s developmentally normal and to be expected. Still, when those tendencies become rigid, with an absolute refusal to admit to any negative actions on their part, it could be a cause for concern.

A child with narcissistic tendencies could present as if they never feel they are at fault in any situation. They may refuse to take accountability, even when the evidence glaringly points to its need. Admitting they could have handled a situation more effectively is a no-go; instead, their focus is always, regardless of the situation precipitating the event, on what others did wrong.

In the same sense, these children may consistently deny any negative aspects of self. They simply don’t believe anything could be improved in their character, and they will usually exhibit strong negative emotions (and pushback) when asked to self-analyze.

Lack of empathy.

Children who seem incapable of understanding the emotions of others consistently, in all areas of their lives, could be exhibiting some red flags. Lacking empathy looks like a willingness to hurt others without reaction; there could also be times when the pain of others actually gives these children a sense of satisfaction.

Kids who lack empathy won’t reach out to friends who are hurt or injured, and they may even laugh in those situations. They typically won’t cry at appropriately sad movies, and seeing other kids cry may be enjoyable, as opposed to upsetting, for them.

A child who can’t recognize, name, and understand the impact of emotions on others will struggle to maintain friendships—and, ultimately, relationships of any kind.

Increase in self-centered behavior when the spotlight fades.

Children with narcissistic attributes typically enjoy the spotlight in some form—whether that’s through achievement or simply within their friend group. What separates that behavior from well-adjusted youth is not only a desire to be in the spotlight no matter the cost but a tendency toward selfish behaviors when the spotlight moves to someone else. Those selfish behaviors may look like a constant focus on what they perceive as the “lesser” attributes of others in an attempt to shift the focus back onto themselves.

Intolerance of others’ mistakes.

Because of a developing belief that they’re superior, children with narcissistic tendencies can often be intolerant of any perceived weakness in others. They may tease their peers relentlessly and fixate on others’ flaws, all while downplaying their own failings.

Kids with grandiose ideas of their own character, who find it distasteful to put up with mistakes that people around them make, could be demonstrating some warning signals. Narcissists tend to be rigidly unforgiving for even the slightest misstep and hold others to a much higher standard than their own personal standards of acceptable behaviors.

Intolerance of others’ perspectives.

Healthy, well-adjusted children can feel frustrated when their peers express markedly different views than their own, but usually, they can agree to disagree and move on with life. Kids with emerging narcissist traits, on the other hand, tend to force their views onto others with no respect for alternate opinions. That could look like persistent attempts to “prove” to others that their ideas and perspectives are wrong, irritation when someone disagrees with their worldview, and astonishment that not everyone looks at the world the same way they do.

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Disproportionate anger.

Kids with narcissistic tendencies may react to uncomfortable or embarrassing situations with anger outbursts out of proportion to what’s happening. They could lash out at others without a precipitating trigger, react to their own upsetting emotions with explosive anger, and fly into a rage at small provocations. Anger at injustice of some kind is a natural emotion; it becomes a problem when the feelings of anger don’t match up to the triggering event.

Red flags occur in repeated patterns

Because many of these behaviors can occur in isolated instances throughout childhood—and for many reasons other than emerging narcissism—it’s crucial to keep in mind that these behaviors are red flags when they occur in consistent, repetitive patterns.

Kids who may be developing some narcissistic attributes won’t exhibit just one or two red flags; they will present with several, and those behaviors will consistently interfere with leading happy, healthy lives. Being able to recognize that pattern of behavior is the first step to making the necessary changes so it can be stopped before it blooms into a personality disorder down the road.