Are We All Delusional About Our Independence?

The topic of "independent living" has been on my mind, and not just because I saw the movie "Thelma" this week. There are loads of newspaper articles written about how those aging—as well as those who expect to age in the coming years—want to do so in their own homes. They call it "aging in place."

It's interesting to consider what the rest of us are doing, if we don't consider ourselves among the aging or those who expect to age (which is impossible, since I am in fact aging as I type this). Are we aging in place, and, if we're not, when does that start? Moreover, are we even living independently?

Just this week I've worked out with a trainer, who is helping me train for a hike (while also contributing to a reduction of risk of cancers, cardiovascular disease, and dementia). My usual handyman came by to be a second set of eyes on a less-fun home-ownership project I'm dealing with, and while he was there, he looked at a toilet that vexes me and created a plan to fix it. A doctor advised on one matter, a neighbor cooked a dinner for several of us, another neighbor gave me a referral for the less-fun project, and my Russian language tutor kept me cognitively sharp through grammar drills.

This is not even an exhaustive list, but on reflection, it can hardly be said that I live "independently" except that, no, I do not require assistance with activities of daily living, such as toileting, bathing, and cooking, which are what ultimately qualify a person for certain types of in-home and facility-based long-term care.

What does not qualify a person? Occasional poor choices, regrettable decisions, being a work-in-progress, feeling needy and vulnerable, a bad diet, destructive habits, not always wanting to behave like an adult, and having people call you a hot mess. If those were examined with the same lens that we examine elders, the world would be one big long-term-care facility.

And maybe that's a perspective that would be useful to take: Long-term care is a community that cares over the long term. A community that looks out for kids and elders alike, but also all of the messy people in between the young and the old. The newly divorced single parent, the young married couple parenting little kids and juggling full-time jobs, the single person managing their lives on their own, the people who need some guard rails when they're navigating a patch of personal turmoil, as well as celebrating the victories and birthdays and graduations and quirky new hobbies.

Living independently is just an extension of what we are already doing, which is the very best we can with the resources and abilities at our disposal, a generous margin of error, and a learning curve with an unknown apex.