Verified by 
Key points
- "Paperclipping" comes from Clippy, that early 2000s Microsoft paperclip figure that would ask questions.
- It is a way of maintaining contact with you to keep you on the backburner as a possible option.
- Typically, it will consist of periodic short questions and other messages via text or other messaging app.
- Your options are continuing to respond, not responding, or directly confronting the person for the behavior,
Remember Clippy, back from the early 2000s? That big eyeballed paperclip figure that would pop up here and there and ask you annoying questions whenever you were using some type of Microsoft software program? Well, that character has now inspired a figure of speech in the online dating world: the term paperclipping. And if you experience paperclipping, you may just want to click "X" and clear what you see on the screen.
Paperclipping is when someone you know pops up every now and then on one or more of your messaging platforms to ask you some frivolous questions—maybe just a simple "Hey, whatsup?" or "How you doing?" Whatever the specifics, when you answer, the conversation rarely ends up going very far. You might not even get a response to your response.
So, what is the purpose of such little clips of text? It can be a way of maintaining contact with you, keeping you on the back burner as an option for whatever, without any real commitment. That person may be someone who went on a few dates with you, never progressed it further, but is trying to keep you engaged on his or her sidelines in a low-effort manner. Ot that person could be an ex who is looking to see whether you are still on his or her emotional leash. You could even be paperclipped by a prospective employer who currently doesn't want to commit to you in any way but wants to maintain contact just in case you actually become "important" someday.
In all cases, paperclipping can allow a person to keep a door open with you as a potential future backup, since you currently are not enough of a priority for, you know, real deeper conversation or actual action to further the relationship. Basically, you are not that important to that person right now but you may have more value to them in the future—perhaps if you become better looking, wealthier, or better-known, or that person becomes desperate.
Clearly, being paperclipped is not ideal. Therefore, you may want to recognize when someone is paperclipping you and not genuinely interested in dating or having a deeper relationship. Of course, you should not automatically respond, "Stop paperclipping me," whenever someone texts, "How's it going?" Such a message could in fact be a sincere opening to a deeper, more meaningful interaction. When a message seems short and rather quickly put together, that person could be messaging on the fly, on the shyer side, or in some way not especially facile with texting. Don't expect something from a Taylor Swift song every time you get a text message.
The big tell is what happens after the initial message. Does it lead to something else, like a live phone, video, or in-person conversation? Or does it always seem to die on the vine after just a few exchanges? In other words, how much is the other person actually investing in communicating with you?
If you recognize that the person is paperclipping you, you essentially have three options. One is to engage in the frivolous exchange periodically. Maybe you'd like to paperclip the person back. Perhaps you are that person's 11th choice and that person is your 11th choice. Heck, the two of you at least have that in common: being a bit mutually disappointed should you two somehow end up together. Even if you do fancy the other person, in your mind, engaging in periodic frivolity may not seem that much skin off your back. Keep in mind, though, that the time spent doing such things can add up and take away from time spent with much more meaningful people with greater potential in your life. Plus, you may be unconsciously pinning your hopes on a backup plan or allowing your status as a person's backup plan to give you a false feeling of security.
Therefore, a second option is to just ignore the paperclipping and not respond. Eventually, the paperclipper may get the message and disappear. That person, like Clippy, may do a few flips in the process, such as asking, "Hey, why aren't you responding?" or "Is everything all right?" which could be interesting to see.
A third option is to call out the paperclipping, asking why the person is leaving you short messages every now and then but not really engaging in conversation. The advantage of this tack over simply ignoring the messages is that a more direct approach may clear up any misunderstandings. It could quickly distinguish the paperclippers from those genuinely looking for an opening to go deeper with you.
Regardless of how you handle it, keep in mind what paperclipping really is and isn't. Don't count a paperclipper as a good friend or a genuine option. They're probably more like Clippy: someone or something that was around for a while until it became apparent that they didn't provide much value.
Facebook image: Antonio Guillem/Shutterstock
