Why Chronic Pain Scares Us

Not having an answer can be not only frustrating, but also frightening, particularly when it comes to our physical health. It is human nature to understand, to locate origin sources, and to seek reasons and meanings. In fact, the medical profession is based upon this foundation. That’s why when we go to a doctor’s office reporting physical pain, we are often tested, poked, prodded, X-rayed, scanned, sent out to specialists, and given referrals. But what happens when the origin source of our pain cannot be precisely located or explained?

The Anxious Mind’s Creative Conclusions

When we don’t have an exact answer, our minds are free to create their own. This can be problematic in that the anxious mind is creative and cunning. It can awfulize, catastrophize, draw drastic conclusions, and play tricks on the rational mind. To the anxious mind, a headache can be interpreted as a tumor, a backache as a spinal injury, groin pain as testicular cancer, and so on. When the anxious mind is running at full speed, it can be difficult to slow down and to view situations rationally. In the throes of these anxious conclusions, we, understandably, seek treatment and answers. Through this seeking, we find ourselves undergoing tests, making medical appointments, and seeing specialists. We are not neurotic for doing so, we are, simply, looking for the “why” that underlies the pain we are experiencing. We tell ourselves that finding the “why” would provide a sense of relief, so we seek it intensely and tirelessly. At times, however, our search for answers can get in the way of our lives and, ironically, cause us further discomfort.

Accepting Versus Seeking

When we experience chronic symptoms, it is important to undertake the necessary work of ensuring that we are, overall, healthy. But this can easily blur into fixation if we are not careful. Those who live with chronic pain often reach a point where they have exhausted all medical investigatory options: tests, scans, and X-rays have come back clean and visits to specialists have yielded no exact conclusions. At this point, it is important to shift the focus from investigation to acceptance. This can be challenging because we, naturally, feel unsatisfied with the lack of definitive answers. Reaching this point, individuals often feel like detectives who must admit that their case has gone “cold.” But a different way of looking at it is to recognize that we can be healthy yet experience chronic, or ongoing, symptoms that, while uncomfortable, are neither dangerous nor indications of a serious medical condition.

In terms of chronic pain, once we accept that the search is less important than the management of symptoms, we allow ourselves to slow down, to focus on feeling better, and to devote less time and fixation on frantically looking for the reason behind the symptoms. The idea of “acceptance” is used casually and bandied about often in the literature on mental health and self-care; it is made to sound easy and immediate. In truth, accepting that chronic pain is something we may live with for the rest of our lives can be emotionally painful and come with a sense of sadness and resignation. It is important to care for our emotions just as we care for our physical bodies. Part of acceptance is reminding ourselves of the following:

• This pain is not my fault, nor is it something that I asked for.
• This pain is uncomfortable, but it is helpful for me to learn ways to manage it.
• This pain may be a part of my life, but it does not define me as a person.
• I can accept that, at times, I will feel frustrated by this pain. Even so, I can still be OK.
• I can accept that I may never know why I experience this pain and it is OK for me to let go of trying to figure it out.

These types of gentle and compassionate reminders can help us to cope with the emotional impact of chronic pain.

From Investigation to Management

Learning to manage our chronic pain can create a sense of autonomy and power. We can shift from seeking answers to caring for ourselves and our bodies. Our focus moves from “Why is this happening?” to “What can I do about it?” This important perspective change allows us to reach a point of relief. When we tirelessly run and chase after something, we naturally become exhausted. Management of symptoms, rather than fixation on explanations, helps us to stop running and to focus on feeling comfortable and attuned to what our bodies need. Our chronic pain no longer runs our lives; rather, it becomes something that we live with in a healthy and balanced way. Here are a few reminders that you can apply to help you keep the focus on management:

• How does my body feel, and what does it need right now?
• I can focus on the management of these symptoms rather than on why they are happening right now.
• When I experience a flare-up, I know what helps, and I can implement those helpful measures.
• I know that I am experiencing an emotional response to my pain, but I can focus on managing the symptoms in this moment and accept the emotions.