Love in the Time of Wordle

Somewhere, right now, someone is blissfully exclaiming, "Babe! I got today's in 3!" And, in response to this moment of glory—an "I did it!" victory in a time defined by so much uncertainty—this person's "Babe" is replying, "Huh?"

If you love playing Wordle, can you love someone who doesn't?

Relationship scientists have grappled with the question of partner compatibility for decades. To what extent do we benefit from differences in our relationships, versus similarities? On one hand, a little variety is, as they say, the spice of life. On the other hand, differences can be a driving source for conflict.

In general, people tend to prefer similar partners. A vast body of research supports this idea (e.g., Luo, 2017; Montoya & Horton, 2013). When people share values, educational levels, habits, and hobbies they validate each other's approach to the world, and it feels comforting and safe. As much as we might like the idea that "opposites attract," people usually don't connect because they're different from each other (at least for the long-term).

Thus, the natural aligning of abilities and interests that happens as we sort through many possible partners to find ours would suggest that Wordle fans, more often than not, probably connect with Wordle fans. Is this the case for you? Read on! If not, skip the next section.

Relational consequences for partners who both play Wordle

Are there any potential positive relationship outcomes that could be linked to joint interest in Wordle? Maybe.

1. A daily dose of self-expansion. If both partners enjoy playing an always-different game like Wordle, and they discuss their game playing, this fun could activate a positive relationship process based on self-expansion. Self-expansion is when you experience growth, such as in skills or knowledge, which could happen when you Wordle. When partners experience self-expanding activities together, they report greater relationship satisfaction (Aron et al., 2001). This suggests the possible relational benefits of Wordle-ing.
2. Sharing triumphs. When partners enjoy and understand the game, a fancy victory on line two (!) presents an opportunity to build relationship closeness. Sharing a personal success with a romantic partner tends to boost feelings of intimacy, but only if the partner responds in an enthusiastic, celebratory way (Gable & Reis, 2010). If a partner responds passively or worse (destructively! cutting you down!), this can introduce a new distance between partners.
3. Offering support. The game is quick, and as high as the triumph might lift you, the pain of failure can similarly linger. What happens if you don't get today's Wordle. If you're a Wordle player partnered with another Wordle player, you may be uniquely situated to help each other manage these mini-crises. Knowing what it feels like to lose, Wordle-playing partners can step up when the other fails and show that they understand, show that they care, and validate their partner's feelings ("Oooo, yikes, that's rough"). All of these behaviors characterize responsive support and are associated with positive outcomes for partners and relationships (e.g., Maisel & Gable, 2009).

   Of course, the support offered needs to match the failure. It is, after all, only Wordle (only Wordle?). Too much support or support of the wrong kind ("Let me help you! Try "frame") can undercut individuals' feelings of competence (Bolger & Amarel, 2007). If your partner is perpetually struggling at Wordle but wants to play, invisible support might be better than obvious attempts to help. Instead of, "You're not doing it right; you have to start with a word with lots of vowels," you could instead say, "I read that some people find it easier to try words with vowels. I did it and it seemed to help me." Invisible support helps, without undermining people's feelings of competence (e.g., Zee & Bolger, 2017).

4. Potential conflicts. While it may seem lovely that you both share an interest in a daily word puzzle, could the shared game playing instill stress into an otherwise happy relationship? (Read: Will Wordle be the end of your relationship?) What if you discover (dare I say it) that your partner is better at Wordle than you are? Social comparisons are a regular part of romantic relationships, but within relationships—where people's fates are intimately tied—people tend to react better when they are the worse performer rather than the better performer, even when this reflects poorly upon them (Pinkus et al., 2008). In other words, we might be OK with being the inferior Wordle player... it might mean we are inspired by our out-performing partner to keep playing. As for the superior Wordle player, they might be motivated to support and encourage their lackluster partner.

When only one partner plays Wordle

We noted earlier that similarity tends to foster liking and attraction, but let's be honest, the factors that define us are many (e.g., demographic, abilities, intellect) and some values, habits, and viewpoints are deeply significant to our lives. As much as it might reflect a shared enjoyment of wordplay and puzzles, Wordle interest or non-interest is unlikely to reflect underlying deal-breaking differences. In other words, many a well-matched couple may differ in their interest in Wordle.

For the Wordler-Non-Wordler pairing what might be some relevant relationship consequences?

One possibility? Masterful Wordle wins are not threatening. The non-Wordler can dish out congratulations that are in no way tinged with envy or comparative judgments of inadequacy. They might not fully appreciate the joy, but if they know you love it, it’s an easy chance for acknowledging a success. Double win!

On the flip side, if one person plays a phone game and the other doesn’t, it could set the scene for p-phubbing. Based on a word smash between "partner," "phone," and "snubbing" (sorry non-Wordler, for another word game here), p-phubbing reflects the act of ignoring your partner so that you can look at your phone (Roberts & David, 2016). Unfortunately, but not surprisingly, having a partner who attends to their phone instead of you is linked to conflict over phone use and lower relationship satisfaction. If you're Wordle-ing instead of paying attention to your partner, this could introduce a source of tension, or at minimum, be annoying to your partner.

In sum, to Wordle or not to Wordle, like so many everyday activities, may provide an opportunity to engage in healthy or unhealthy relationship processes. With relationship quality reflecting a compilation of many little moments, keeping your partner in mind as you Wordle and/or your partner Wordle is likely more important than whether you g-u-e-s-s today's word.