How Creative Couples Support and Encourage One Another

What sustains creative people over the long run?

What allows certain people to continue to learn and grow, both as artists and as humans?

Those are the kinds of questions at the heart of Stacey D’Erasmo’s book The Long Run: A Creative Inquiry, which is all about living a creative life.

'The Long Run: A Creative Inquiry' by Stacey D'Erasmo.

Source: Graywolf Press / Used with permission.

At various points in the book, D’Erasmo writes about the role that supportive relationships play in allowing creative people to navigate life’s curveballs—everything from disheartening rejections to life-changing events.

She tells the story of dancer and performer Valda Setterfield, who, in 1974, at age 40, was badly injured when the car she was in was hit by a train.

What allowed Setterfield to get back on her feet again—literally—was the care and support of her partner, dancer and choreographer David Gordon.

To help her regain her confidence, he created a dance for the two of them—a dance called Chair.

“The dance began when Gordon pretended to fall off a wooden bench… and Setterfield laughed,” D’Erasmo writes. “Gordon was thrilled. In the days that followed, he coaxed her to sit on the chair, step on the chair, lift the chair, jump off the chair, even, into a pile of coats, fall off the chair. She moved. Her memory improved.”

If you watch a video of the performance, D’Erasmo writes, “The chair is always there; the marriage, too, has always been there: a lifelong duet.” A source of creative nourishment.

This powerful story has stuck with me ever since I finished reading D’Erasmo’s book.

It got me thinking about a couple I know who have each pursued careers in the arts: writer, story editor, and producer Claire Ross Dunn and actor and multidisciplinary artist Kirk Dunn.

It made me curious about how they’ve continued to be a source of support to one another over the course of many decades of living and working alongside one another.

I decided to interview them to find out.

Writer, story editor, and producer Claire Ross Dunn.

Source: Georgia Kirkos / Used with permission.

A decades-long creative collaboration

The first thing you need to know about Claire and Kirk is that they’ve been together for a very long time: married for 32 years, together for 33. The two of them met in theatre school at York University in Toronto, Ontario, when Claire was 17 and Kirk was 19.

“I have known him for longer now than I haven’t,” Claire explains.

I asked Claire how important it has been for her to have a supportive partner (and a supportive person who is also a creative person in his own right).

She told me it was vital.

“I can’t imagine doing this alone. Being creative is an act of bravery—sometimes family and friends don’t understand why we’d ever choose a career with no safety net and keep doing it into our midlife and onward to retirement (if we ever really retire, that is). Kirk is always there by my side. That’s not to say we always work together—but even when we work separately (especially then), he gives me the courage to try something new when I’m too afraid to take the leap, and I do the same for him. We bounce around new wild ideas when chopping onions for dinner or grocery shopping or folding laundry. We read each other’s material and look for missing commas before delivering. I can’t believe I get to be both married to him and play in the creative sandbox with him. How lucky am I?”

In addition to maintaining their own artistic practices, the two look for opportunities to collaborate on projects that are too big for one person to tackle on their own.

A recent example?

The Knitting Pilgrim—a one-man show that they co-wrote and continue to co-produce, and that represents the culmination of a 15-year artistic journey for Kirk. That journey involved hand-knitting an art installation consisting of three huge tapestries (a project called Stitched Glass). The Knitting Pilgrim explores the impact of that journey on his faith, his craft, and their home life.

“We weren’t sure we could pull it off when we started working on the show in 2018, but here we are, 85 shows later, still going strong,” Claire explains.

Actor and multidisciplinary artist Kirk Dunn.

Source: Jorjas Photography / Used with permission.

Finding creative courage together

As for what Claire’s support has meant to Kirk in terms of continuing to pursue his dreams as an artist? It has been life-changing.

“I cannot overstate the importance of Claire in my life,” he tells me. “I don’t know if I would have accomplished anything at all without her. I have many interests and find it easy to come up with big ideas, plans, and projects—but I find it very difficult to finish them. My fear and resistance inevitably appear, and things stall and fall by the wayside. Claire has been tireless in her support. She has done everything from inspiring and encouraging me to flat-out holding my feet to the fire. She has shown me, through her own path as an artist, how to be resilient and resourceful. I have seen her put art into the world, be crushed by negative feedback, then pick herself up, assess the situation, get the help she needs, find a new angle, and go again. And again. And again. Until the project succeeds.”

Her persistence and faith in him encourage him to keep trying, even when the odds of success feel daunting. “Claire is energized by the artistic process,” Kirk explains. “It’s all she wants to engage in. While I, too, need to create and make art, I am much more fearful and, therefore, more private and guarded about my thoughts. Claire constantly inspires me to be braver, try harder, open myself up, and share—to give art the oxygen it needs to become the warmth and light-giving fire it wants and deserves to be, as opposed to the tiny ember I try to hold for myself.”

A debut novelist at age 56

Kirk has also played a key role in nurturing and sustaining Claire’s creative spark, cheering her on from the sidelines during the long journey that ultimately led to the publication of her first novel at age 56. That novel—At Last Count—was published by Invisible Publishing in 2022. “When Kirk and I counted how long it took to get it published, it, too, took 15 years.”

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Continuing to learn and grow together

And as for what lies ahead for the two of them?

Continuing to learn and grow as artists, both separately and together.

“It’s amazing to me to be 58 and still learning new things about my craft, still feel curious about its ways and my way in it,” says Claire.

Kirk agrees: “One of the big life lessons I remember metabolizing in my 30s came from Julia Cameron’s book, The Artist’s Way: How can we get there when the ‘there’ keeps moving? There is always another level, always more to learn.”