Flexibility Is a Requirement for Leaders

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In my work, I emphasize the determination required to become a leader—if you don’t have the will and energy to persevere, you won’t succeed. But determination by itself is not enough.

So, I also emphasize the concomitant idea that flexibility is crucial to determination. Sometimes, we cannot begin to be determined—that is, determined to lead—unless we can change course and accept a different modus operandi, even if that means presenting a different face to the world. In fact, exercising flexibility is especially hard when we are committed to one version of ourselves (“I like myself just as I am”) while the world demands that we be another (“Why should I change if I know I’m great already?”). But the truth is that if we can’t accommodate to these demands, we may not become a leader at all.

In other words, leaders need to be the leader that people want. It’s simple and basic —until you need to present yourself in new, unaccustomed ways that feel uncomfortable. You may find yourself transposing new ideas of who you are onto notions of yourself that you’ve held for years. You may even ask, “Am I supposed to be (or, worse, seem to be) somebody else, so that people will grant me the top spot?”

I would respond that such questions are simplistic and ignore the creativity that makes flexibility almost a kind of art form. This type of creative flexibility does not mean bending until you break or becoming someone whom you don’t want to be. It does mean taking stock of how far you must go to satisfy other people’s demands while still meeting those demands in your own way.

Thus, flexibility—from this perspective—allows you to use your wits (your imagination, your strategic thinking) to make a meaningful response while still retaining control of what makes you special in the first place. It’s a kind of balance. You determine how far you need to go towards revamping your style, while still retaining the inner strengths that will make you an effective leader.

Here I am thinking of one of my clients, Denise, a high-powered executive required to become more congenial/polite/even-tempered if she wants to reach the top management post. Initially, she considered such demands a personal affront and continued to behave just as she pleased. But when she finally realized that her career was at stake and that change was the only way forward, she set about learning to be less offensive. She went on a listening campaign and demonstrated how (in response) she was willing to change. It was a humbling experience, and she did not necessarily buy in to everything she learned. However, she appreciated the practicality of conspicuous behavioral change and began to act accordingly.

Denise figured out that flexibility, like discretion, is the better part of valor. That is, if she wanted to lead, she had to be seen as wanting to lead in a way that her constituents required. She might have insisted, “I am who I am—take it or leave it.” But what would that have accomplished? Nothing, of course, except to ensure that she would be seen as obtuse. The point was to be seen as forthcoming, which she demonstrated in a (renovated) demeanor.

Denise’s story demonstrates that determination is situational. It takes different forms depending on how much we need to accommodate other people’s demands on us. We cannot be single-minded in pursuing leadership; we cannot assume that everything is up to us in terms of how well we satisfy objective standards. Subjective standards may be equally important—and much harder to satisfy because they are intangible. We must be willing to learn what these are and then adopt the necessary flexibility so that people believe that we know how to satisfy them.

The paradox here is that everyone assumes that leadership is ego-enhancing when, in fact, it may require that we let go of some aspects of ourselves that make sense to us but not to other people. As we encounter other people—that is, as we move through various situations on our way to becoming a leader—we must display a flexibility that allows others to feel valued. We should explain ourselves less and, rather, show by example that we are responsive, caring, and credible. We haven’t changed the essential qualities that make us effective, but we have changed the way we encourage people to support and have confidence in us.

So, as you think about this idea, ask yourself:

• Do I resent suggestions that cramp my style? Does any such resentment hamper my workplace relations, and am I able to control it?
• Do I see my management style as just fine, so that other people are out to lunch when they demand changes?
• Am I capable of personal change only amid a crisis where I have no choice? How can I cultivate greater responsiveness and avoid back-against-the-wall situations?
• Am I graceful about changing, or do I display my disapproval, even alienating people who are trying to help?

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No matter how we behave away from work, we must cultivate a “correct” demeanor at work. This is fundamental to being flexible enough to get along with our colleagues, which is fundamental to being a successful manager. When we act out, we should put ourselves in their places—would we like it if someone, no matter how superior their status, presumed to be imperious? Determination is not consistent in showing Who’s Boss. Rather, it requires getting where we want to go without losing sufficient support to get there. It means that we may have to cramp our style, even if we don’t really mean it. How we really feel and how we act are separate. If we act appropriately, that’s enough. After all, you can’t go to jail for what you’re thinking. (I’ve pulled that sentiment from Frank Loesser’s’s famous song, “Standing on the Corner,” 1956).

Denise took these truths on board in her own way, as you can do in yours.