How to Double Up on Joy

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While visiting my mother’s assisted living home, I joined a group of ladies over 80, listening to clues to complete a large, dry-erase crossword puzzle. The teacher let me know she likes the residents to be competitive to elevate the energy in the room. While some competitive juices flowed, I witnessed something different from these hallway neighbors. The ladies expressed an almost giddy glee when one of them called out a correct answer to fit the open number of crossword squares. The pride, delight, camaraderie, and exuberance grew as they cheered for each other’s success.

The trending term for finding joy in another’s joy is freudenfreude (translating from German to mean “joy joy”). Freudenfreude is the pleasure we feel when someone else succeeds, even when we do not directly benefit. Freudenfreude was created as the opposite of the more commonly known German word, schadenfreude.

In America, we use the German word schadenfreude, or the lesser-known word epicaricacy, to mean finding joy in the mishaps and misfortune of others. This concept is why so many enjoy watching failed stunts, tripping videos, or other people’s kids coloring with markers on walls and furniture. We feel relief knowing it is someone else and not us.

There is a glossary shortage in any language for experiencing joy from another’s joy. Why don’t we have a universally accepted word for this concept?

The lesser-known English word confelicity (pleasure in another’s happiness) is the closest synonym to freudenfreude. In Sanskrit, the word mudita refers to the “sympathetic or vicarious joy that comes from delighting in others’ success, well-being or happiness” without envy or self-interest (Wikipedia).

Lee E. Preston first published the term freudenfreude in his article about spitefulness and altruism in the Journal of Behavioral Economics in 1978. Reportedly, some take offense to this made-up term or neologism. Germans who find it insulting contend that freudenfreude is grammatically unsophisticated and juvenile, like a toddler who repeats words for bodily functions (Schuman, 2022).

Shame expert Brene Brown and other social scientists write about freudenfreude as an antidote to depression. Psychology professor Catherine Chambliss (2018) created the Freudenfreude Enhancement Training (FET) program to encourage joy-sharing or “shoy” (a term she coined). Dr. Chambliss found that when depressed college students practiced the FET techniques for two weeks, their relationships and moods improved (Chambliss, 2018). Sidenote: How interesting is it that her name includes the word bliss?

Below are seven specific ways to cultivate freudenfreude.

These tools are simple, free, and available to everyone with a smart device. With each of these options, we can direct an inner curiosity to assess how vicarious joy affects our own moods and outlook.

1. Begin within.

The ancient Buddhist Metta, or loving-kindness meditation, cultivates a mindset for mudita. With this guided meditation, we envision ourselves and others (even those who challenge us) experiencing peace, happiness, and wellness.

Invite curiosity and ask how it feels to imagine those we love, those we do not care for, and the world at large as experiencing their highest and best. Versions of the loving-kindness meditation are available online.

2. Catch, release, and reframe comparison.

When we compare, we are more likely to feel jealousy, envy, or worthlessness in ourselves. Watch for these negative thoughts of comparison and reframe them as inspiration statements instead. For example, we can reframe the idea, “I will never become the (fill in the blank) that they are,” to “What an inspiration (person’s name) is for (fill in activity, emotion, role). They did it!” Try to elicit the emotion of freudenfreude with this reframing technique.

3. Symbolize it.

Create a symbol, a move, or a hand gesture that communicates the concept of freudenfreude for yourself. When I see an “underdog” win or someone overcome a fear, I have a hand gesture that connects me to the moment of joy in another’s joy. It is my version of a high five, and I noticed that doing this movement lifts my spirits.

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My close friends and family know this gesture; we use it in unison when these moments arise. Smiles follow.

4. Create a unique and unifying clap.

In work settings, initiate a group experience to share the camaraderie and joy in the victories of others. My husband created a special clap in business meetings to invite the shared festivity for the success of one becoming the success of all. The employees know the special clap and eagerly engage when recognizing a colleague’s efforts.

5. Ask and journal about joy.

With friends and loved ones, make it familiar to ask about and share joy. Ask, “What was a joyful part of the day?” at the dinner table or while journaling before bed. Like gratitude, when we focus on joy and look for it, it becomes more frequent.

6. Seek out ways to cheer on others.

Instead of focusing on devastating news, politics, or reality show drama, consciously tune in to shows like American Idol, where we cheer for contestants who bravely share their talents. Cheer for them out loud and connect with any joy they exude on screen.

7. Find sources of infectious giggles.

Search out baby giggling videos. Again, feel the contagious effects and note any mood shifts. The baby may be cackling at a tissue pulled from a box, yet we can experience the infectious humor and shared joy.

Conclusion

Like the “Golden Girls” in my mother’s crossword challenge class, we can all level up our glee by recognizing, reveling in, and rewarding another’s glory. I noticed my mother’s cronies doing this with ease. I experienced the affective shifts and the contagious nature of freudenfreude as we became cheerleaders for each other like a “Family Feud” (or Family Freude) team. Some ladies who entered the room with aches, pains, angst, and loneliness exited with demonstrable differences in body posture and facial expressions.

Is freudenfreude a potential pain-management strategy? Research in this area would be valuable.