Exercise Isn’t Selfish, It’s an Act of Self Compassion

When I was a new mother, I had a really hard time peeling myself away to go to a yoga class or a short run. I felt selfish for exercising, and guilty for finding a moment’s peace in shavasana. But over the years, I’ve discovered exercise isn’t selfish, in fact, it’s an act of self-compassion that allows me to be a better mom, therapist, and partner. Nurturing my body through exercise is the kindest thing I can do for myself, and those I love. There is a distinct difference between self-compassion and selfishness.

Self-compassion is being kind and understanding toward yourself, giving your body what it needs to thrive, and offering yourself encouragement and support when you are struggling. For the most part, self-compassion does not harm others. In fact, by taking care of your body, you may have more energy and resources to be there for others. With self-compassion, you recognize our interdependence. When you take care of yourself, and I take care of myself, we can take better care of each other.

Selfishness is being primarily concerned with your own welfare and pleasure at the expense of others. You are driven for personal gain without regard for others. Unlike self-compassion, selfishness harms your relationships and isolates you. When you are selfish you don’t see the communal and relational aspects of living.

Get Physically Active With Compassion

Try these two exercises from Compassion-Focused Therapy to use your Compassionate Self to move your body more.

1. Embody a Compassionate Self

Embodiment involves stepping into a version of you that is strong, wise, caring, and wants the best for yourself. Embodying a compassionate self is associated with greater compassion for others, feeling safe and relaxed, self-reassurance, and establishing compassionate goals (Matos et al 2017). Next time you go out to exercise, try this embodiment visualization:

• Take a few long breaths, and then imagine stepping into the body of a compassionate version of yourself. This version of you wants the best for you, cares for your well-being, and the well-being of others.
• What would this version of you tell you about being physically active? Why is it important for your well-being?
• Imagine taking on the facial expression of this most compassionate version of you. Let your eyes smile, your face be friendly and warm.
• Take on the posture of someone who is strong, brave, and encouraging.
• Move your body in a way that this wise, compassionate version of you would move. Bring qualities of vitality, love, and care into your gestures and stride.
• Notice the energy you receive from being your most compassionate version of yourself.

2. Engage in Compassionate Flow

According to Paul Gilbert, founder of the Compassionate Mind Foundation, compassion can flow three ways: giving compassion to others, receiving compassion from others, and self-compassion. Turn exercise and physical activity into a flow of compassion so that you are giving as much as you receive.

• Give Compassion with movement: How can you integrate acts of kindness into your physical activities? Consider participating in activities such as trail building, beach clean-ups, assisting a friend with their move, taking your dog for a walk, helping your child warm up for their sports game, or clearing snow from your neighbor's driveway. As you engage in these movement practices, focus on the positive emotions that arise from giving to others.
• Receive compassion with movement: How can you open yourself to receiving help while staying active? Share rides to your favorite exercise class, seek accountability from a friend, ask your partner to wake you up when they rise early for morning movement, or request movement-related gifts for special occasions, such as punch passes, workout attire, or active vacations.
• Self-Compassion with movement: Which activities nourish both your body and soul? When you're feeling low, stressed, or anxious, identify the activities that best uplift your mood and enhance your overall well-being. When fatigue sets in, what self-encouragement and motivation resonate with you? Grant yourself the gift of nurturing your body and soul as an ultimate act of self-compassion, recognizing that it isn't selfishness but rather a means to replenish your energy for engaging in various forms of compassionate activities.

It's vital to understand that taking care of your physical well-being through exercise is not a selfish act; it's an act of self-compassion that can ultimately enhance your capacity to care for others. By embracing a compassionate approach to movement, you not only benefit yourself but also contribute positively to your relationships and the community at large. So, the next time you engage in physical activity, remember to embody your compassionate self, give and receive compassion through movement, and nurture your body and soul with kindness. By doing so, you'll find that the path to a healthier and more compassionate you is not only beneficial but also enriching for everyone around you.

For more tips on the power of self-compassion, check out my new book The Self-Compassion Daily Journal.