Should You Marry for Love or for Money?

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“Money can't buy me love.” —The Beatles

“I would sell my body for money before I sold my life for it.” —A woman

Love and money play significant roles when making romantic choices. Though we may not like to admit it, we are often attracted to wealthy individuals, hoping to enjoy the benefits of their wealth. However, being offered direct payment for romance or sex would be offensive and vulgar to many. Should romantic choices involve financial considerations?

What Women Say About Money and Love

Here are random citations (appearing mostly in Reddit) from women, on money and love.

• “I met a woman who was married to a member of one of the wealthiest families in the world. One day, on a plane journey, she sat next to a completely ordinary guy with a completely ordinary job, who was easygoing and kind. They fell in love. She left her husband, married the ordinary guy and they are still in love after many years together.”
• “Nothing in life is free. Marrying him just for the money means you have been bought and sold. He will expect a certain level of performance from his new acquisition (not just sex) or you will be out the door.”
• “Frankly I don't mind being bought and sold; marriage itself is a transaction. I don't expect a Mercedes, or anything of that sort. The marriage will still have problems, money or no money, so why not?”
• “I absolutely do not regret not marrying a rich man.”
• “Money will not ease the stress of marriage if you do not have a loving relationship.”
• “There's nothing wrong with marrying a rich man. But do marry for love, honor, respect and compatibility.”
• “Money won't make your life joyful; it will make it comfortable until you want more. It will never be enough. Find someone who brings honest joy into your life. Money is a bonus.”
• “I’d rather marry rich, definitely; it’s so much easier to do creative things when you already have money.”
• You can buy a relationship, a marriage and sex. But are those things true love?
• Money doesn't buy love, but rather opportunities for finding love.

Relevant Studies

“Every girl would like to marry a rich husband. I did twice. But what divides girls into two groups is this question – do you first think of money and then love, or vice versa?” —Hedy Lamarr

"Money only impresses lazy girls. When a woman works hard, a man with money is a bonus, not a ladder to an upgrade." —Unknown

Various studies indicate that money plays a significant role in choosing a romantic partner. In one survey, about 56% of Americans said that they would prefer a partner who provided financial security to the feeling of being “head over heels” in love (44%). Similarly, in another survey, 75% of women said that they would not marry a man without a job. Ironically, 91% of single women said they would marry for love over money.

A possible explanation for these seemingly inconsistent results is that a vast majority of women put a greater value on love than money—unless financial means are below a certain threshold. A man without a job is below most people’s imagined acceptable financial threshold, and will probably be unable to nurture personal flourishing in partners that brings out the best from each other. Idealized perceptions of romantic relationships put a far greater value on love than money, but when faced with reality, most people are ready to compromise. This explains why one survey found that Generation Z (born between 1996 and 2010) is the only cohort to choose love over money (54%). At a young age, when realistic considerations are not yet powerful, ideology is more prominent.

An article in Psychologia presents science-backed facts about money, love and happiness. Here are several notable ones:

• A higher income is associated with less daily sadness but not more daily happiness;
• Many women prefer to marry rich men and stay at home with their children;
• The higher your income, the more likely you are to find love;
• Arguments about money are the best indicator of divorce;
• Many people are attracted to those who manage their budgets effectively—extravagant spenders are not popular!

These, and other factors, indicate the complexities of love and money. While money might not be valued as highly as love, love is grounded in a living framework, and our personal thriving within a relationship often depends upon having sufficient money. In the conflict between love and life, love does not always win (Ben-Ze’ev, 2019, and here). Accordingly, having a balanced combination of love and money is valuable.

Optimal ways of combining love and money

"Use money and love people. Don't love money and use people." —Joseph Prince

Psychology Today blogger Mark Travers suggests three science-backed ways for combining love and money:

1. Play the long game. When facing a choice between a long-term partner who has the ability to financially benefit you and a partner who is willing to benefit you (through generosity, cooperation, trustworthiness, etc.), you should favor the latter, while not completely ignoring the former. Warmth, as opposed to competence, is of higher long-term value.

2. Love is the real investment. Joining hands with your partner financially to achieve a goal can be a smart and ultimately rewarding decision. However, the partner should not be a means for your success, but one with whom you share joint flourishing.

3. Happiness pays dividends. It is wise to be in a relationship where both partners are, first and foremost, happy with each other and elicit positive emotions for one another, since positive emotions are strongly correlated with the creation of wealth (Travers, 2023).

Relationships Essential Reads

7 Questions That Only Secure Couples Can Handle

7 Reasons People Send Mixed Signals In Relationships

We may say that although financial stability is linked to emotional wellness, marrying for wealth alone may lead to relationship issues, unhappiness or emotional concerns. In a fortunate living framework, positive emotions are more likely to be generated. Extremely negative situations, such as loneliness, can also generate love, but this may be superficial love that depends more on temporary circumstances rather than on profound characteristics of the lovers.

A Jewish proverb claims: "Whenever love depends upon something [external to love], and this thing passes, love passes away too. But if love does not depend upon something like this, love will never pass away." Indeed, we are familiar with statements like, "You don't love me; you just love my body/money/humor/wisdom." These statements are voiced not only about superficial characteristics, such as beauty and money, but also profound ones, like kindness, humor and wisdom. Romantic love requires the presence of many various properties within both partners.

Concluding Remarks

“The first time you marry for love, the second for money and the third for companionship.” —Jacqueline Kennedy Onassis

"Money can buy you a fine dog, but only love can make him wag his tail." —Kinky Friedman

If two potential lovers are the same in all significant respects, except that one earns twice as the other, it’s worth favoring the higher earner. However, in real life, people are not identical in all significant respects, and we should consider the extent and significance of the positive and negative characteristics. The role of money in romantic choices is similar to that of external attraction. If the threshold of the partner’s attraction (and wealth) is too low, a positive outcome is unlikely. Above this threshold, the external attraction (and wealth) hardly makes a difference, and extreme attraction (and wealth) may upset the balance of other important properties.

Money cannot buy love, but it can make you a far more desirable partner. When one is in love, money is of less significance, and when one lacks money for basic needs, love is often more at risk. It is, however, easier to fall in love with a rich person, as money can generate circumstances that are more favorable for personal and romantic flourishing.