When Depression, Mental Load, and the Holidays Collide

Mental load, depression, burnout—these are all topics widely studied. We know that they often co-exist and interact, especially in the context of parenting, complicating research on the effects of a single dimension of a parent’s mental well-being (i.e. depression) on a child’s development.

Usually, it is a complex interaction that determines how a parent’s experience influences their child’s development—and in fact, research demonstrates one of the most powerful influences on children's well-being is parental sensitivity, which is strongly and negatively correlated with mental load, depression, and burnout. Advocating for parental support that targets load, depression, and burnout, then, is necessary.

Research supports the complex nature of parental mental well-being, and my personal experience does the same. The holidays, for me, are a time of reflection as to how parental well-being influences children and the need for greater parental support.

When I was young, every Christmas was marked by well-wrapped presents under the tree and the smell of orange cinnamon buns in the oven. Shortly after unwrapping gifts, my mom would often go to bed for a while or at times the entire day. She literally put her all into Christmas morning.

As a young child, I would miss my mom as we ate dinner and drove to see Christmas lights. Yet as an adult and parent myself, I’ve begun to appreciate the effort the holidays posed for her. Suffering from depression and feeling the mental load of the holidays was crushing. Her experience likely speaks to millions of others.

Holidays can exacerbate depressive symptoms often at the same time greater demands are placed on oneself for others’ “happiness.” In fact, a study by the CDC showed an increase in depressive symptoms among 64 percent of the population already reporting a mental health condition and 38 percent among the general population during this time.

Further, the holidays increase mental load or the managing, organizing, and planning of tasks that often go without recognition. In fact, studies indicate that 75 percent of the population report an increase in mental load during the holidays.

Meanwhile, the intersection of depression and mental load during the holidays can amplify the effects of each. While the pressures to be optimistic and happy can increase depression, at the same time depression can limit one’s abilities to cope and can lead to increases in mental load.

Despite these statistics, the percentage of parents in the U.S. who report seeking out groups for emotional support and/or counseling is relatively low. More specifically, a 2023 Pew Research report found that approximately 41 percent of parents with children under the age of 18 sought professional support for their, their children's, and/or family's well-being at any one point. What's more, only about half of parents engaged in therapy remained for a year.

Much of this is due to barriers in access, finances, location, and time. Our most powerful way to support our children today, therefore, may be to provide more resources for their parents’ mental well-being.

The holidays with my mother were special, and every Christmas since her passing in 2015 I think of the effort she put into my family’s happiness. When I think back, though, I wish she had experienced more enjoyment herself, and that we had realized the immense pressure she was under. As a youngster, I did not understand why holidays were so joyful yet also difficult. As an adult, I am more aware of the frustration. Raising awareness and encouraging understanding is the gift I want to give my mom this Christmas.