8 Ways Couples Can Keep Their Intimacy Alive

We are told that relationships need work to survive and flourish. That smacks of hard labor and sweaty brows at the end of the day. I would say rather that a successful relationship requires some attention, and that’s not so hard.

So many of the complaints I’ve heard over years of couples’ counseling are some form of “You don’t even know I’m around” or “You never listen to me.” Those are the complaints of someone who feels taken for granted. And that is what often happens and what you want to avoid: You do your things and I do my things and at the end of the day we share a bed and occasionally have sex. That becomes dull very fast.

Remember all the quirky little things you noticed about your sweetheart when you were first in love? Don’t forget them! Remember those loving feelings you felt about him or her? Don’t forget that either.

Some tips on keeping the love light burning:

1. Remember to say “I love you” with some frequency. If it doesn’t feel like the words are true, why not? If something is standing in the way of a loving happy relationship.
2. Clear the air. Don’t push issues under the rug. Have a frank discussion when you are both able to pay full attention to each other.
3. If you notice s/he doesn’t seem happy, investigate. Ask your partner what’s troubling her or him. You want your partner to be happy in your relationship, don’t you? Even if what you hear is not to your liking, risk it.
4. Listen as much as you talk, if not more.
5. Share your feelings and thoughts. Remember your first dates when you couldn’t stop talking about everything? Try and recapture some of that desire to share all your thoughts and feelings.
6. Have fun! Make sure there is place and time in your lives to do something fun. Nothing increases a sense of togetherness more than laughter.
7. When you want some time alone, or your partner does, make sure each of you knows that that’s okay.
8. Tune in every so often to take each other’s emotional temperature. What kind of mood is your partner in? Is there something you could do about it or something you want to share?

None of these suggestions need to take any work. In fact, if you make them a habit, even write them on your calendar, they will become automatic. Just remember that your partner is a person with wants and needs that may be different from yours. You don’t have to work at the relationship or at making him or her happy—just pay attention.