What I'm Not Going to Do in the New Year

Carrie Knowles

We all have them: events, both expected and unexpected, that change our lives.

These are the events we carry with us and mark as Before and After. Before I had children, for instance. Or, after I got married. Similarly, there are those after my friend/husband/brother/parent died, or before I had cancer challenges, that change our perspective of the world.

How we carry these events in our hearts and minds determines how we go forward with our lives. The carrying is often silent but becomes a powerful part of how we look at ourselves and the world. These events, for better or worse, become our "Glass Half-Full" and "Glass Half-Empty" mantras.

When the event is less than a happy one, we often dig in our heels and refuse to let go of what happened. Forever after, we are stuck with a half-empty glass. Not letting go forces us to look back rather than look forward, and when that happens, the life-changing event becomes a wound that never heals.

If that life-changing event is a positive one, rather than wrestling with holding on and building regret, we can use it as a springboard to go into the world a changed and happier person. We carry our half-full glass with us everywhere, looking for ways to share it and fill it up with life. We shift forward.

The loss of a loved one is a loss that never goes away. It changes who we are as well as how we live, and demands that we take the time to reflect and celebrate that relationship by acknowledging the loss at birthdays, anniversaries, and once-shared holidays.

Time does not necessarily heal all wounds, which is why holidays are often heavy days for so many.

The last few COVID years have been a minefield of losses and life-changing events. If there is some tipping point in the chaos, it feels like we are there.

What can we do to change the narrative of these last few hard years?

I have struggled to decide what to “take on” for 2023. In the past, I have vowed to learn how to do something new, like how to bake biscotti, or resolved to exercise more and care less about perfection.

Then, it occurred to me that “taking on” something new is not the way to move forward in 2023. That, perhaps, the best way to start filling my glass is to let go of a few things rather than building a new list of things I should or could do.

Here’s what I’ve decided to give up in 2023:

1. Other people’s expectations of what I should be doing with my time. The beauty of letting go of this is that it gives me permission to have my own expectations and experiences.
2. The notion that my writing defines who I am. This past year has been a tough one for my husband, who bounced from one medical situation to the next without much of a pause, finally ending in his having a pacemaker put in. He’s much better, thank you, and we are both relieved for a new start on some better health. During these medical emergencies, I was unable to meet all my deadlines, which was a first for me in a long writing career. I just couldn’t do it. To my surprise, I lived through those lost deadlines and found a new freedom in working at a pace that suits my needs. Those missed deadlines also gave me a moment to think about what my life would be like if I weren’t a writer. What I discovered was that I’d still be a decent person. It’s been an enlightening experience.

This might seem like a short list on the Letting Go New Year’s Resolutions, but it’s a start.

If we cross paths in 2023, let’s ignore all the shoulds and coulds we think we need to accomplish, and instead use this precious time we have together to share our half-full glasses.