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Key points
- The death of Queen Elizabeth II is an opportunity to pause and reflect on the meaning of our lives
- Collective grief has specific meanings for each of us.
- Collective grief may remind us of past loss of loved ones and grief.
The UK, and the world, are in collective grief following the death of Queen Elizabeth II. At this time of national mourning, it is an opportunity to pause and reflect on what it means for us all.
Whether people love or hate the monarchy, collective grief impacts most of us because it can evoke various emotions and thoughts about us, our loved ones, and the world we live in.
Grief is defined by diverse emotions and thoughts when we face a loss. Collective grief is a particular type of grief that describes the impact of a loss experienced by a group. For example, the COVID-19 lockdowns were a form of collective grief as we all experienced the loss of our freedom. A murder occurring in a small community is another example. And, of course, the death of Queen Elizabeth II is collective grief on a national and global scale.
In the last few days, we have heard many reports of people experiencing the death of the Queen. Many have said that the major loss is one of a constant, unchanging figure throughout the decades. Some are in awe of her service to the Nation until the very end of her life. Some connect with the loss of a parent/grandparent's presence.
Many say that, even though the Queen showed visible signs of decline, it was still a shock to hear of her death. Indeed, even when we know death is coming, it is hard to fully prepare for it, especially when it is the death of someone who has been around in the entire life of many people in the UK and the world.
Grief is complex. Even though we are experiencing collective grief, we experience it individually, depending on our life circumstances and our perception of the event.
Some of us might connect with our mortality. Witnessing the death of a consistently present figure in our lives can confront us with our death and with the reality that nothing lasts forever. Life is finite, and life is short. The Queen said, I paraphrase, that we are on this Earth passing through. Indeed, in the grand history of the world, we are only on this planet for a short time. It can be an uncomfortable thought for many of us, but it can also be an inspiring and profoundly existential thought that can motivate us not to take the time we’re alive for granted and make the best of it.
Some of us may experience what we call “anticipatory grief.” This is when we feel the emotions of grief ahead of time, before the actual loss. For example, the death of the Queen might make us preoccupied with the future loss of our aging loved ones, especially those who are close to the age of the Queen, feeling sad at the fact that they too will die at some point in the not-too-distant future.
Anticipatory grief can be distressing, and it can be difficult to express it for fear that other people might judge us for thinking of the death of loved ones who are still alive.
Some of us might connect with past loss and grief. Even if the loss occurred long ago, some reminders could sometimes bring painful feelings to the surface. The national mourning period is a time to think about the loved ones that we lost, as well as feel all the emotions that come with it.
Some people may feel more upset if the past loss was recent or if it hasn’t been processed. For example, losing a loved one to COVID without being able to say goodbye or hold them might have been traumatic, and following the Queen’s death, those intense grief feelings might be coming up and feel overwhelming.
We are not good at talking about grief or death in the UK. We tend to hear phrases such as: "he is in a better place," "she was old, she had a good life," or "it’s been six months now. It’s time to get over it and move on."
These typical thoughts are not helpful. They only dismiss the very real and raw feelings of a broken heart following an important loss. In our modern society, we are also not good at reflecting on our existence, preferring to focus on building careers and accumulating wealth. The "doing: is much more highly prized than the "being."
Perhaps we can think about what is the most important in our lives, what we need to nurture, and how we want to spend our finite time on this Earth. We might also want to reflect on how we want to be remembered after we die because we will be remembered based on how kind (or not) we have been to people around us. Perhaps, the last gift of Queen Elizabeth II is to give us all the permission to pause and ponder on the meaning of our lives.
