Do You Believe in Personal Myths?

Source: Pixabay Commons

We become prisoners of our beliefs when we let them bounce around in our heads unexamined and unchallenged. To break free of this prison of our own making we need to replace tired old ways of thinking with new modes of thought. Some self-defeating thoughts and beliefs take the form of personal myths, or as we might also call them, personal fictions. I see this form of myth-making in the thoughts shared by my patients in therapy and I expect you might have a few bouncing around in your head.

Personal fictions are different than the collective myths of ancient Olympian and other folk traditions, such as stories about supernatural beings that toy with us mere mortals. Yet personal fictions hold mythic status because, like tales of Zeus and Thor, they are accepted without a need for proof or evidence. One person’s myth may be another person’s sacred belief, but it remains an untested belief.

What are your guiding fictions or myths? A myth is not necessarily false (who’s to say?) but it remains untested and perhaps even untestable, as it stands outside the realm of ordinary experience. Though untested or unchallenged, a personal myth or fiction may become a guiding framework for how people live their lives. In the end, however, it may keep us from living a fuller, more satisfying life. Mythic or fictional beliefs also become recipes for inaction, as when we believe that “good things come to those who wait” or “I will be rewarded in the end or in the next life” or “things are the way they are because that's the way things are meant to be.” People may tell themselves they want to change, but when they practice myth-making, they find that when push comes to shove, shove pushes back and they avoid making changes in their lives.

Unlike classic myths from folklore, personal myths can have direct effects on our emotional well-being and state of mind. Personal myths may fly in the face of objective reality, but they remain fixed in the mind because they are never examined or challenged in the light of reality—beliefs such as “people will always be there to take care of me” and “I should be able to control anything I put my mind to.” No, other people may disappoint you or put their own interests above your own. And trying to control things you can’t control amounts to a fool’s errand.

Hypothesize, Don’t Mythologize

A hypothesis is a testable prediction, whereas a personal myth or fiction is not open to testing or scrutiny. A hypothesis must be confirmed by experience, whereas a personal fiction is accepted a priori (before the fact), as it is taken to be true on faith alone. In cognitive behavior therapy, we engage in a process of questioning beliefs held to be self-evident, examining whether they stand up in the light of evidence, and testing them out in personal experiments.

Testing your beliefs gives you a chance to replace personal myths with testable hypotheses. It’s not a matter of “thinking positively,” which represents a kind of personal fiction of its own, as though merely repeating a happy mantra will bring about personal happiness. Rather, through weighing alternative beliefs and evaluating them in the light of evidence, you assume the role of a personal scientist, conducting experiments in daily life to test out your hypotheses. It turns out that the scientific method is as good a rubric for daily life as it is in the psych lab.

Are You a Myth Maker?

In another post (see “Myths of Your Own Making”) I examine some of the more common personal myths I’ve encountered in my therapy practice, such as beliefs that “other people control my emotions ... other people have my best interests in mind ... (and) the world is a fair and just place.” Challenging these assumptions becomes grist for the therapeutic mill. In this post, you can use the quiz below to see if you are creating your own personal myths.

An Inventory of Personal Myths

Do you believe the following statements are true or false?

1. Good things are bound to happen by leading a good life. (T or F?)
2. I believe there is a higher power looking after us. (T or F?)
3. I have to admit that what happens in life is largely the result of luck or fate. (T or F?)
4. I know I will be judged for my deeds in the end. (T or F?)
5. My feelings are determined by how other people treat me. (T or F?)
6. I believe things happen for a purpose, even bad things. (T or F?)
7. I expect other people have my best interests in mind. (T or F?)
8. Good things come to those who wait. (T or F?)
9. When something seems true, it most likely is true. (T or F?)
10. I believe there is only one true love for everyone. (T or F?)
11. I expect others will take care of me whenever I need them. (T or F?)
12. I believe people are rewarded for good deeds in this life or the next. (T or F?)
13. The world is a safe place; bad things don't happen to good people. (T or F?)
14. I believe that what happens to us in life is predetermined. (T or F?)
15. You are what you are, nothing will change that. (T or F?)

If you answered “true” to any of these beliefs, you may want to do a reality check and ask yourself if the belief holds up in the face of evidence and whether it is helping or hindering you. To paraphrase the late senator Daniel Patrick Moynihan, you are entitled to your own opinions, but you're not entitled to your own facts.

Fantasies Essential Reads

Is It Possible to Change Your Sexual Fantasies?

How Our Sexual Fantasies Change Throughout Our Lives

Do you accept these beliefs because they measure up to reality or because you mistake opinions for facts? Ask yourself if these beliefs are holding you back, keeping you from making meaningful changes in your life? Or to paraphrase the Buddha, if what we think is what we are, how might we change our world by changing how we think?

© 2024 Jeffrey S. Nevid