5 Essential Tips for Women Coping With ADHD

As a woman in her late 40s, I’ve seen a trend among my peers and clients regarding attention-deficit hyperactivity disorder (ADHD). Many of them have been diagnosed late in life or suspect that they qualify for the diagnosis. When I noticed this several years ago, I initially thought it was a byproduct of trying to keep up with capitalism’s hustle-culture combined with patriarchy's expectations to be a superwoman at work and home. Combine that with the way our phones have increasingly become an appendage interrupting us, and who wouldn’t be scattered much of the time?

Fast forward years later, and we now know that beyond gender role expectations and cultural norms, there are biological reasons why women report having symptoms of ADHD.

Society has tended to view ADHD as a problem for boys and men. Women and their unique experiences, such as hormone changes throughout their lifespan, have been an afterthought. It’s time we change that. It’s time women don’t suffer in silence and confusion, coping the hard way.

Here are five key facts you should know about women and ADHD:

1. Women are underdiagnosed because they are more prone to mask and internalize their symptoms (hypersensitivity, ruminating, distracting thoughts) rather than display outward symptoms like hyperactivity or impulsivity, although those can manifest as well.
2. Because women are expected to be nurturers, they often overcompensate for their ADHD with people-pleasing and perfectionism, exhausting themselves further.
3. During perimenopause and menopause, women can develop ADHD symptoms for the first time–or exacerbate preexisting ADHD symptoms–which show up as brain fog, memory difficulties, increased agitation, and difficulty completing tasks.
4. Due to a lack of diagnosis and treatment for women with ADHD, they can develop secondary behaviors to cope with, such as eating disorders, casual sex, overspending, and symptoms of depression and anxiety.
5. Many women with untreated ADHD struggle with emotional regulation and develop rejection sensitivity syndrome, leading to relationship challenges, isolation, and shame.

Here are five essential ways women can cope:

1. Make sleep a non-negotiable. Sleep sweeps toxins from the brain and helps with mental and emotional clarity. Don’t procrastinate going to bed in order to get other things done. Resist the temptation to hyper-focus on a project at night when there are seemingly fewer distractions. Develop a bedtime routine that you enjoy. Use a weighted blanket to give your body containment. Turn on white noise to soften your brain’s tendency to respond to sensory stimuli while asleep.
2. Recognize how ADHD impacts your relationship with food. Many women with ADHD use food as comfort or as stimulation. Avoid refined sugars, artificial sweeteners, and foods high in the glycemic index, which increases brain fog. Consult with your doctor regarding taking Iron, Magnesium, and Zinc to help regulate brain chemistry. Remember the acronym HALT: never get too hungry, angry, lonely, or tired.
3. Consider hormone therapy. Changing hormonal levels have a number of effects on the brain. During perimenopause and menopause, there is a decrease in estrogen, which regulates important neurotransmitters such as dopamine (executive functioning), serotonin (mood regulation), and acetylcholine (memory), causing the onset of ADHD-like symptoms.
4. Nurture your sensitivity and internalized trauma. Many women with ADHD develop rejection sensitivity. This is partly due to being hypersensitive–their senses and emotions are heightened. Be sure to practice self-compassion every day. Work with a somatic psychologist to incorporate the body into your healing journey and create a self-regulation practice. Exercise and embodiment are essential to release old trauma from the body, developing day-to-day self-agency, and cultivating more confidence and clarity. We can’t just think our way through change we need to embody it.
5. Communicate to your partner about your unique needs. Many women with ADHD struggle with listening, can be forgetful (or never heard it in the first place!), and have a quick temper, leading to communication breakdowns with a partner. Incorporate movement, such as walking together, to help with focus during important discussions. Give your partner context about your sensory issues. Know that it’s essential to set boundaries so you aren’t burning out behind a mask of pleasing others and perfectionism to try to compensate. Have a plan to divide and conquer when it comes to household management. Understand that although you might disappoint others sometimes in order to take care of yourself, in the long run, you will feel better and have more to give.

Most of all, remember that there are beautiful gifts to having a brain that works differently. These include creativity, intuition, keen perception, curiosity, sense of humor, playfulness, spontaneity, ability to think outside of the box, skill in multitasking, and being a caring and thoughtful visionary. The world needs this from you, so keep shining your light.