Twin Flame, Karmic, and Soulmate Relationships

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You may have heard the term "twin flames" recently, a concept expanding beyond spiritual communities to the mainstream. Amazon just released a documentary called Desperately Seeking Soulmate: Escaping Twin Flame Universe, and Netflix has an upcoming documentary called Escaping Twin Flames.

Both of these shows unveil just how easily people fall prey to false "gurus" promising epic love, targeting vulnerable people during this time of collective trauma and a pandemic of loneliness.

Or maybe you've never heard of twin flames, but you've heard of its more common cousin, soulmates.

As a relationship therapist and writer, I've always been fascinated by the terms we create to explain a romantic connection. These attempts to categorize people's attraction are as much a public statement for others as the ego's attempt to feel secure. Our intellect asks, "Will they be the one?" While our heart asks, "Will I get hurt?"

But our soul doesn't want to be stuffed in a categorical box. It just wants to learn and evolve.

It's awkward to put a label on such an ineffable experience, but in service to integrating our mind, heart, and soul, here are three descriptors originating from spiritual lineages that I believe more accurately capture the depth of some romantic relationships.

While this is out of the scientific realm, the language and concepts may be helpful to anyone who has had a life-changing relationship. These categories include twin flame, karmic, and soulmate.

Twin Flames: Let's start with the one getting all the buzz these days. This is the most intense connection of all three types. There is an instant familiarity that leads to next-level passion.

Your twin flame, people feel, is your penultimate other half, but in ways that might surprise you. This is because this isn't a romantic relationship. It's a life-changing, evolve-or-repeat relationship.

The other person soon becomes someone who mirrors you at the deepest level possible, reflecting your most hidden insecurities and wounds. Often, these relationships don't last long before one person finds it too intense and leaves. They become the runner to the other person in the role of chaser.

For twin flames to eventually reunite, they may require a period of separation to heal their traumas, cultivate self-love, and awaken. Which certainly doesn't happen overnight.

Some conceptualize twin flames as one soul separated into two people. But I believe that in the spiritual realm, a soul is a stream of consciousness, a unique essence that can't be split. I prefer to see it as two people with unintegrated souls who inspire each other to ascend or continue to repeat unhealthy patterns.

Once each person has healed and gotten their ego out of the way, the twin flame reunion is possible and influences the collective for the better. Even then, don't expect it to be all roses and candlelight dinners.

Karmic: Similar to a twin-flame meeting, a karmic relationship feels instantly familiar. This is because, people conceptualize, you've known them from a "past life" or "multiple lifetimes". Meeting them again in this lifetime fulfills a soul contract from a previous life.

You come into each other's life to settle unfinished business and learn important lessons—often quick, gut-punching lessons. Sometimes, you have to tear off the bandaid. These are typically tumultuous relationships that aren't meant to last.

You're intended to learn the lessons and let go. Although less common, some karmic relationships endure or at least evolve into a friendship.

Take your Dramamine because both twin flame and karmic relationships involve a rollercoaster of drama, as people may get stuck in a cycle of triggering each other (of course, the lessons are hidden within our triggers). These highs and lows can lead to people thinking they can't live with the other or without them.

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Make sure you don't stick it out in a relationship if it becomes toxic or abusive just because you think you need to learn a spiritual lesson. Sometimes, the ultimate lesson is to establish your boundaries and cut the chord.

This brings me to an important caveat: Many relationships that feel instantly intense are the byproduct of trauma bonds and unhealthy attachment styles due to early life relational trauma, not due to a spiritual bond that improves with time.

Soulmates: Soulmates aren't as intense or triggering as twin flame and karmic ones. And while we only have one twin flame in a lifetime, we can have many karmic or soulmate relationships (friends, colleagues, neighbors, romantic partners).

Compared to the other two, soulmates are conceptualized as more complementary and flowing. They tend to be long-lasting and enduring. Rather than provoke each other, you get each other and enjoy time together. The relationship may still offer you your fair share of lessons over time, but the hard times are much less rocky.

All relationships are teachers with the potential to incite our healing. Be grateful for these numinous encounters, no matter how confusing or heartbroken you feel. It means the universe is helping you grow. Embody trust and faith over fear and control, especially if you find yourself in the chaos of a twin flame or karmic relationship.

Labels or not, your ultimate guide regarding what to do and what you're learning lies within if you listen closely. Our evolution can be found by connecting to our intuition.

When we drop our defenses and engage from our heart, learning to love ourselves unconditionally no matter the outcome, we can find contentment—whatever our relationship status may be in the moment. We don't have to feel compelled to explain it to others with a label.