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What do you see when you look into the mirror—the physical mirror, and the mental/emotional mirror? Some of us have a very hard time looking in the mirror. We hate that person we see. S/he is not a person we can like or love and we either avoid looking in the mirror at all or find the person we see despicable.
Some of us see a giant, a larger-than-life person who is better than everyone else we know. That person is essential to our sense of well-being, for without him/her we would dissolve into that self-hatred above.
Some of us just try very hard to dress up that image we see—comb it, put make-up on it, use all kinds of chemicals so that it doesn’t look bad to those who look at us throughout the day.
Rarely do we look in the mirror to see who we really are. But here’s the real story—if no one mirrored us when we were infants and toddlers, it is going to be hard for us to see who we actually are in the mirror on the wall, or the mirror in our minds.
You see, we come to see who we are through the eyes of others first. As we lie on our backs as infants looking into the faces of our caregivers, we are seeing ourselves through their eyes. And we become imprinted to that image of ourselves so that our efforts at living life are based on that identity.
Typically, our parents are young and not fully mature when we are infants and toddlers. They have often not dealt with the primary issues of their own lives. Therefore, they might have a tendency to project those issues onto us. So, they might need us to look really good so that they will be seen as good parents. They might need us to grow up to play the caregiver role since it seems too hard to take care of themselves. They might see us as a reflection of their own poor self-image so that we grow up believing we are unworthy or even hateful in some way. They might need us to carry the emotions in the family so that they project those onto us. They might need us to be the whipping boy/girl for all of their pent-up emotions, and so we might have to put on a victim role just to survive. They might need an escape from difficult emotions, so we have to always be fun for them. Whatever the case, it is quite common for immature parents to need us to play a role for them, which eases their pain in some kind of way.
So, ever after that, we see whoever they needed us to be when we look in the mirror. And we act the part so fully that we come to believe that it is who we are.
But who are we really? And how do we begin to see that person in the mirrors of life?
We can start with the deeper soul longings. They are closer to the authentic self than the wants we seem to live out in the roles we play. What are you truly longing for? What job? What house? What partnership? Or perhaps it is peace you are longing for, or maybe even joy.
What truly interests you? Are you just following the interests that your social milieu follows? Or is there something that truly fascinates you?
It may be difficult to determine, but what do you truly believe? Do you just believe whatever you were taught to believe, or do you have questions about that that you have never really asked? Coming to terms with your own original beliefs can help you see more clearly who you are in that mirror.
What about your energy level? Do you find that you spend a lot of energy trying to please or take care of others? Do you push yourself to keep going, when really there are many things left undone that you might truly like to do? It’s your energy—you can do with it whatever you choose.
This is just a start, but it is possible to discover these things in the mirror of your inner self so that you can then see them in the mirror on the wall. It is possible to see your authentic Self in the mirror.
