Gap Years, Taking Time Off, and Fear of Falling Behind

A gap year refers to a student hitting pause on traditional academic work to take a breath if they’re overwhelmed with school (or life). I often work with parents who only see two options when their kid is bombing out of college—bring them home or force them to stick it out on campus. Sometimes, one of the most powerful things for a struggling kid is a change of scenery and context.

More and more, a gap year or semester is being used to get depression, anxiety, eating disorders, or substance use under control. Many therapeutic programs are well-suited to admit college students for a semester or two with the intent of providing assessment and treatment. In many instances, if a student graduated from high school with untreated behavioral health challenges, things will only get more challenging once they get to college.

Here are a few examples of more specific reasons for a college student to take time off:

• They’re seeking treatment for medical, mental health, or substance abuse challenges
• They need to make money working
• They want to get some life experience outside of school to help find direction or purpose
• They may want to boost or build a resume for a targeted industry or company

A gap year is a broad term that can have a bunch of variations. While these are just a few reasons to take a gap year, there are many things to do during the time off. Here are some examples of productive and healthy ways college students could use a gap year:

• Volunteering overseas to teach English
• Participating in a wilderness program
• Spending time with a sick family member
• Working a full-time job
• Participating in intensive therapy for depression, anxiety, or substance use
• Taking easier classes at a community college
• Traveling through Europe

Some gap years are focused on academics and include opportunities like a study-abroad program or internship. This type of break from traditional studying can be helpful for kids that are getting burnt-out from being on campus but don’t need to move back home or get specialized treatment. They may just want to pursue career options or combine traveling with some course credits. I love this type of time off since it typically provides lots of life lessons around personal responsibility, budgeting, and exploration that would be difficult to get otherwise.

Another option is adventure. Two of the most well-known programs are National Outdoor Leadership School (or NOLS) and Outward Bound. Both run programs of varying lengths throughout the year, and in all sorts of different environments. The primary focus of these programs is skill development—not only outdoor skills, like rock climbing or rafting, but also soft skills, like leadership, communication, and problem-solving. While outdoor skills may not be necessary for your college student’s degree or career path, soft skills are absolutely essential. There are many programs, but, in my opinion, NOLS and Outward Bound, the two oldest and most famous, are also, in my opinion, the best run.

Keys to a Successful Gap Year Experience

Regardless of the purpose of the gap year, it’s essential for parents and college students to discuss the following points as soon as possible.

To start with:

• Set Some Goals. Determine the goal of the gap year. I tell parents and their kids that this is one of those situations where everyone needs to be on the same page, which means everyone needs to be honest about why the kid is taking time off. Encourage the use of SMART goals (specific, measurable, attainable, realistic, and time-sensitive) to further tease this out.
• Communicate with the School. Communicate with the university if your student is already enrolled. Find out if and how to earn credit for activities during the time off. Make sure your kid does not need to re-enroll, have any outstanding or upcoming bills due and that there will be no negative consequences from taking time off.
• Scheduling. Plan out the semester schedule (when they plan to start and when they plan to return to school). How is your kiddo going to spend most days/weeks? I don’t think they need to have every hour defined, but they do need to have a routine that fills time well and is consistent. This is also a good time to talk about if and how friends and family might be able to visit if they’re traveling. Finally, scheduling, or at least discussing when they’ll check in if they’re traveling, is super important.
• Requirements. Identify all requirements (e.g. passport, plane ticket, rail pass, volunteer application, shots). Passports and visas take longer than ever to process. It’s never too early to update a passport, even if the gap year is just an idea at this point.
• Budget. How much will it all cost and who is paying? Have this conversation early in the process and create a budget. Just like when remodeling a house—pad in an extra 10 percent for emergencies and surprises. Budgeting is not just for finances, it’s also for time and energy. Budgeting for how much time they (or you want them to) spend on certain activities is a big part of the conversation. Even if you’re wealthy, talking about structural constraints around spending is a value that gets generalized to other parts of life.
• Deadlines. Put all requirements’ deadlines on the calendar. Gap periods without specific deadlines or dates can easily turn into wasted weeks and months buttressed by promises of what will get done next week.
• Presentation. This one might sound a bit cheesy but actually has some profound impact. What will your kid get out of this experience? How will they communicate this at the end to you? It’s easy to push this aside, but I encourage parents and their kids to come up with some sort of way to share what they learned. It’s a way to teach them to organize their thoughts and communicate effectively. Learning how to debrief from an experience is another one of those soft skills that pays dividends throughout life. My go-to question sandwich for students is to ask themselves and maybe provide to parents after they've taken time off: What? So What? Now What? What did I do and what happened? What impact did this gap have on my life? What comes next, and how can I take these big and small lessons forward?
• Keep Active. It’s essential that whether your college student takes time off for healthcare, travel, or making money, they plan to stay active, mentally and physically. It’s so important for them to keep reading, working out, and challenging themselves.

At the outset, many college students I’ve worked with get really excited and do a ton of research on places they want to go or programs they want to participate in. One thing often gets overlooked: the risks and real consequences of taking time off. Friends are moving forward through classes, going to parties, and developing relationships. If your child took loans out, they may actually start coming due for payment unless your kid is officially enrolled with a minimal number of credit hours. Plan on having real conversations about the real costs of time off. It’s not an attempt to get them to change their mind—it’s an opportunity to level-set and incorporate what skin in the game they need to have.

In Summary

As exploratory and insightful as a gap year can be, it can also create confusion about one’s life in a more philosophical way. When we are isolated or spend large chunks of time out of what seems like the mainstream social environment, our norms and self-concept start to change. We may challenge who we are and what we stand for and, ultimately, what we want out of life. A gap year may be better confined to a gap semester. A gap semester might be better consolidated to a fall or winter break. Figuring out the goal of time off will help define what length of time is best.