Post-Traumatic Growth Is Real and You've Probably Experienced It

After graduating from college, I lived in China for two years.

There, I encountered profound wisdom from people who had been through hell and back and remained sovereign: wise, happy, and thriving.

What Was the Secret?

Psychological sovereignty is a relatively new term. We may spend so much time thinking about how broken, traumatized, or anxious we are that we forget about the profound strength that dwells in each of us.

One particular gentleman had almost starved to death (there was general famine) and had lost his wife to those tragic times. He taught me a lot about resilience.

He taught me a Chinese expression, chi ku shi fu, which means eating bitterness (i.e., hardship) is good fortune.

That’s not how we tend to think in the West.

We believe the expression “no pain, no gain” applies only to exercise and diet.

It couldn’t possibly be true about our emotional pain: our anxiety, fear, insecurity, anger, frustration, loneliness, general malaise, midlife crisis, darkest thoughts, languishing, or anxiety.

Nope.

When it comes to those forms of pain, we do everything possible not to feel:

Shop or gamble, drink or binge, watch movies or porn, scroll or smoke, overwork or overexercise, over-indulge, or punish ourselves.

This can look industrious (“I work 12-hour days.”) or gritty (“I do an Ironman a month.”), or even saintly (“I volunteer 30 hours a week.”) but it’s all the same thing:

Numbing.

And it keeps us bound.

Sadly, the pain is still there waiting for us. Only now, we’re exhausted, beaten up by the side effects of our drug of choice, and, sadly, in worse shape to face it than when we started.

Psychological Sovereignty

A sovereign approach looks different:

• What if growing pains didn’t end in your teens?
• What if they kept going so you could keep growing?
• What if emotional pain was not useless suffering?
• What if pain were your friend?

The friend who matures you makes you stronger, fiercer, and wiser.

The friend that loves you so much will break your heart so it can grow larger.

The friend that lures you into the darkest areas so you can see your own light shine brighter.

The friend that truly sees the beauty, strength, and magnificent potential you are.

And who will go to any length to help you birth your truest, bravest, boldest self?

Sovereign. Looking back on your own life in this light, from what life experiences have your greatest lessons emerged?

Inevitably, it’s the divorces, deaths, sudden unemployment, health issues, cheating partners, abusive relationships, or financial difficulties. It is those hard, painful, heartbreaking, and excruciating times that have also brought forth your best self.

They have invoked resilience in you because you had no choice.

They brought forth your courage because you had to make it through.

They cultivated forbearance and steadfastness in you because you felt like you were dying, but you had to keep going.

There were tears and moments spent writhing on the floor, but you got up, had breakfast, and went to work anyway.

You witnessed the warrior within yourself.

The valor.

And you carried on.

Your hair grayed, but you grew.

Post-traumatic growth is real. The lotus really does grow from the mud.

It brings about wisdom because we’ve seen suffering. We no longer take small things for granted.

Most of all, post-traumatic growth leads to compassion. Because you’ve seen and experienced pain, your heart has stretched. Its capacity for love is greater, and its desire to help others is stronger.

Post-Traumatic Growth Essential Reads

Healing Psychological Wounds

Expressing the Impact of Trauma Through Art

Always remember that you are sovereign.

You’re stronger than you know.

I hope this helps you through hard times in life and those little everyday challenges.

This post is an excerpt from my upcoming book, Sovereign.