An Introvert's Guide to Getting Through the Holidays

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Thanksgiving is one of my favorite holidays. We hang out, eat some food, and chat, and then, I go home, put on my pajamas and I’ve got a whole weekend to regroup. This makes all the difference to my mental and physical health and mood.

But this time of year can be challenging because of the sheer number of events that take place. These are things I want to do—celebrate with family, attend our daughter's school program, watch a football game with friends, go to the tree lighting—and most happen only once a year.

But with everything packed into 35 days, I feel tired just thinking about it.

So I have some strategies I use that help me manage so that I can enjoy the celebrations without burning out before the New Year.

10 Tips to Enjoy the Season

If you're one of those people like me, who are happy to be invited but hope the event is canceled before you go, here are a few that will make the season brighter.

1. Say "no." Choose only those things that add meaning and that you know would be fun. If there's an invite that can be postponed, do it. "Thank you. We'd love to have dinner with you, but can we schedule it for February when it's not so busy?
2. Go after the joy. Things feel lighter and easier to manage when we are laughing and smiling. Attend the concerts and soak up the sounds. Laugh with friends. Smile when others are excited or sharing stories and you'll find these kinds of social events easier to manage. An authentic smile increases happiness and over time could meaningfully improve well-being. Finding ways to smile even before you attend will also diffuse any early anxiety so you enjoy things more.
3. Set a time limit. Have a plan before you go about how long you'll stay. Be deliberate, be courteous, but recognize there will be a way out if you want.
4. Protect your quiet time. Get up early so you can have some time alone in a quiet house or schedule a lunch break alone in a mellow spot. We all benefit from quiet time. Solitude is restorative. Find these moments whenever you can during the holidays and turn off your phone, move away from the computer and be still. For me, this is an essential tip and one that keeps me healthy and calm so that I enjoy the holidays more.
5. Take mini-breaks when you can get them. If you can't find me at a party, I'm probably in the bathroom or outside, taking a few minutes of quiet. I do enjoy going to these special annual festive events and look forward to them, but taking a two-minute mini-break during the affair helps me regroup so I can be present and have fun.
6. Take a deep breath. Walking into a group where you may not know many people can be tough, but a deep-breathing practice can help you chill on the spot.
7. Reinterpret the signals you’re getting from your body. When I walk into a social gathering—even one with good friends—I have some anxiety. It makes me nervous. My heart beats a little faster in the base of my throat, I feel the tension in my shoulders, sometimes my palms sweat and I become super alert. Stress? Maybe. But it's really just my body preparing me to be successful at the event. It's priming me to be alert and energized. Reinterpreting those physical signs as excitement and curiosity can change how we experience stress and remind us that physical changes mean our body is responding naturally.
8. Set an intention. The second you decide to attend a festive affair, commit to enjoying it. If you are going to your child’s choir concert, intend to soak up the good music and relax. Headed to your spouse’s office party? Intend to talk to one of the people you have heard so much about. Joining a family gathering, intend to experience gratitude for whatever appears in those crazy, chaotic affairs. Knowing what kind of experience you truly want to have will help you create it and make it better for those you are sharing the time with too.
9. Drop the expectations. The things that make the festive events so much fun and memorable are the unexpected things that happen, the crazy stuff people say, the new friends you make, and the great meal you enjoy even when Grandma brings the weird Jell-O mold. When you drop the expectations about how things should be—how people should act, how the food should be, what kind of environment you want—things get easier and much more interesting.
10. Be generous to others. Even the extroverts among us get worn out, have bad days, have a hard time connecting with strangers, or deal with difficult family members. The best way through is to be generous with all whom you encounter. This means offering to get a drink if you are going to the bar, showing interest in others, smiling, and being patient, and appreciative. There isn't much kindness that doesn't improve.

Though a month of events can be exhausting, with a game plan and the right attitude, you can make meaningful connections, experience gratitude, and dare I say it, even have fun.