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Key points
- Seeking "fun" isn't the only path to happiness and fulfillment.
- It's important to be mindful of the potential downsides of certain types of "fun."
- Finding meaning and fulfillment is more important than simply seeking "fun."
Have you had any fun lately?
How do you feel when people ask you this question? I suspect it's not so good. You might think your life is boring or lacking for not having the kind of fun you imagine everyone else is having.
There's nothing wrong with you if you can't respond with a resounding "Yes, I'm having fun." You might even find the question a bit obnoxious.
Personally, I'm not a fun-seeker. I'm angling for something more fulfilling. Stay with me on this, and I'll explain.
People mean well when they exhort us to have fun. They want us to be happy. And indeed, we might have a festive time going skiing, attending a concert, or taking a vacation. In fact, I'm on vacation right now as I'm writing this. Am I having fun yet? I can't offer a simple yes or no. You may wonder if I'm overthinking it. But let's explore the nuances.
You and I may have different definitions of "fun." I associate it with something thrilling, adventurous, and exciting. For some people, playing golf is fun. Or I am going on a rollercoaster, bungee jumping, or playing sports. I've been fortunate to have traveled to some "fun" and beautiful places over the years—exotic natural and cultural sites. It doesn't last very long, but something from the trip stays with me.
Having fun transports us outside ourselves, out of our egos, routines, preoccupations, and worries. Time stops. We experience our body in a new way, delighting in the rousing sensations that the fun delivers. That's why we crave it and try to duplicate it.
Having healthy fun can be great, but it's limited. We might feel a letdown when we come crashing back to our "normal" life. Some forms of "fun" might be destructive to ourselves or others, such as having sex with a stranger, binge drinking, or using drugs.
Some people's way of seeking fun can become an addiction. We get addicted to dopamine and other chemicals coursing through us during the entertaining activity. Going out drinking with our buddies, visiting a casino, or gorging ourselves on a delicious meal (not knowing when to stop) might be fun. These things might be "fun," but you know you'll pay the price later. Perhaps you don't care, but your body or soul might rebel in the long run.
Of course, we all overindulge sometimes—no need to berate ourselves for that. Trying to be perfect is not a way to feel more joy in our lives. But getting too attached to some forms of "fun" can have a troubling way of eroding our happiness, not enhancing it, especially as we get older; our bodies become less forgiving.
Fun thrives in the present moment, with little concern about the moments soon to follow. Some people relish the intensity, but does it serve us? Pursuing dodgy or impulsive forms of fun eventually catches up with us, which is no fun.
Thankfully, there's another path that can fulfill our desire for enjoyment and pleasure without adverse consequences.
Fun vs. Joy
Fun is dependent on something we do, often something exciting. Consider an alternative: What if we intended to abide in joy as much as possible instead of angling for fun? What would it take to settle into an ongoing sense of well-being? Joy exists in the realm of being, not doing.
Of course, there might be creative things we do that foster a climate where joy is more likely to arise. We might walk in nature, watch a sunset, go for a bike ride, do some artwork, meditate, do yoga, meet a friend, or express gratitude to someone we appreciate. But unlike the search for some passing thrill, we don't do these things for the entertainment value. We do them to enhance our pleasure in being alive. We do them because they add meaning to our lives. We do them for the emotional and perhaps spiritual satisfaction they deliver.
A key is appreciating and being awake to what's available rather than leaning too far ahead of ourselves.
Meditation teacher James Baraz believes that cultivating joy is essential to a spiritual path. His illuminating book, Awakening Joy, offers healthy ways to cultivate joy. We could sure use more of that today.
No one can tell you how to live your life to maximize your happiness and well-being. But the way many of us seek fun may be overrated and ultimately counterproductive. Personally, I'm fond of simple ways of enjoying life: a leisurely stroll around the block while noticing the cats or birds doing their thing, having lunch with a friend, lighthearted banter with a buddy, or the occasional journey to a new destination.
Writing this post has been enjoyable, helping me connect with creative flow. And if I learn that someone found it helpful, that makes me smile.
These simple things bring me joy. What does it mean for you?
© John Amodeo
