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Key points
- It is common to mistakenly confuse introversion and social anxiety.
- Social anxiety is considered a psychological disorder and can be addressed with treatment.
- Introversion is a personality trait and is not something that can or should be changed.
- When deciding whether to attend a social event, it's often best to take a values-based approach.
Eli and Zoe are invited to the same party, and both are free that night. However, they each make excuses for why they can’t come and are motivated by different reasons.
- Eli doesn’t know many people who will be at the party and worries that he won’t have anyone to talk to. He also fears not knowing what to say if he is stuck in a conversation with someone and fears he might say something stupid. He is concerned that people will judge him and think poorly of him.
- Zoe also doesn’t know many people at the party. She isn’t worried about people judging her. Still, the thought of having several meaningless conversations with random people is exhausting to her. She’d prefer to order takeout with her roommate and watch a movie on TV.
- Both Eli and Zoe think they should want to go to the party, but neither wants to go.
Although both of them don’t want to attend the party, Eli’s anxiety in social situations dictates his behavior. In contrast, Zoe’s motivations are motivated by her introverted personality trait.
How Are Social Anxiety and Introversion Different?
Social anxiety is characterized by fear of social situations, often accompanied by a fear of being judged or humiliated. People with social anxiety often want to avoid doing things that cause them to be anxious. Social anxiety can occur in specific situations, such as having to give a speech. Or, it can be more generalized and happen across various settings.
Someone can be introverted without being socially anxious. Many introverted people need time alone to recharge and often prefer one-on-one time with people or smaller gatherings. They often prefer more meaningful conversations to superficial interactions. Someone like Zoe might find parties to be overstimulating but not anxiety-producing.
Why Differentiating Between The Two Is Important
Someone can be both socially anxious and introverted. In addition to having introverted qualities, if Zoe shares some of the same fears as Eli does about social situations, such as a fear of being judged or of seeming stupid, she might also have social anxiety.
As a psychologist, over the years I have worked with many people with social anxiety. Suppose someone is distressed by their social anxiety and related avoidance. It is crucial to work with them to reduce this social avoidance because it reinforces their fears. When someone is anxious about an upcoming social situation and then avoids it, they often feel a reduction in their anxiety. They might feel significantly less anxious than if they went to the activity. Even though there is a reduction in this short-term anxiety, it sets them up to avoid it the next time their social anxiety is triggered, so it makes their anxiety worse in the long run.
Thus, the treatment of social anxiety often involves:
- Restructuring anxious thoughts
- Reducing avoidance of social situations
- Learning how to accept anxiety when it occurs
I’ve also helped many introverted people who wished they were more extroverted. With these clients, the focus has often been on acceptance of their temperament, especially in a society that often values extroversion. The goal is not to turn them into an extroverted person.
For those who have social anxiety and are also introverted, I’ve worked with them to separate the two concerns and address how they can honor their temperament while dealing with their anxiety.
A Values-Driven Approach
Suppose Eli and Zoe were my clients, and they each spoke to me about the upcoming party. I might hone in on examining their values, irrespective of anxiety or temperament. For example, if both wanted to meet new people (either as friends or as potential romantic partners) and both felt like the party was an excellent opportunity to do so, the focus might be on how to go to the party and make it as enjoyable as possible. If social anxiety were part of the picture, a priority would be on strategies to manage anxiety best.
Or, suppose Zoe was in a romantic relationship, had many friends, saw no benefit to going to the party, and didn’t think the host would care either way if she was there. In that case, it might not fit her value structure to go, so declining would make the most sense.
One Question to Ask Yourself
Regardless of whether you have an introverted temperament, social anxiety, or both, if you are confronted with an upcoming social situation, there is one question you could ask yourself: “After this event has passed, would my future self have wanted me to go to this event or not?”
In the case of Eli, if his future self sees that this party is an opportunity to confront his social anxiety and possibly meet someone to date, then his answer is to figure out a way to address his anxiety and go.
However, if Zoe has enough people in her life, and skipping this party would provide much-needed downtime, she might skip it. On the other hand, if she also wants to meet a romantic partner, she might decide that going to the party fits her value structure, even though she is inclined to stay home. You never know; Eli and Zoe might both go, meet each other, and hit it off.
