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Key points
- It is common for people to want to get rid of all of their anxiety, but that is not a helpful goal.
- Often, attempts at managing and controlling anxiety serve to make things worse.
- There are specific strategies you can use to lessen the impact of anxiety on your life.
According to a recent survey by the American Psychiatric Association, 28% of Americans are making New Year's resolutions focused on improving mental health. If you are one of those people and have the urge to try to get rid of your anxiety, that's understandable. After all, who likes feeling anxious? Unfortunately, it turns out that a lot of people's efforts to get rid of anxiety make it worse. Let's look at some common ineffective anxiety management strategies and what to do instead.
Mistake 1: Nonacceptance of Anxiety
The Problem: People with anxiety struggles often wish that they could get rid of it completely. Sometimes, people beat themselves up for feeling anxious, telling themselves they are weak or have some other shortcoming. This nonacceptance of anxiety often causes secondary anxiety, that is, anxiety about the anxiety. It also might lead people to do behaviors to try to get rid of it, which only ends up making it worse in the long run. Also, berating yourself for your anxiety can lead to depressive symptoms and feelings of helplessness.
A More Productive Solution: Accept that you feel anxious and validate yourself. Acceptance doesn't mean that you like it, but it means acknowledging that feeling anxious is part of life. Self-validation might involve saying something like, "It makes sense that I feel anxious about _____, given my history." Although it might seem counterintuitive, acceptance and validation of your anxiety could make things better for you in the long run.
Mistake 2: Worry About Uncertainty
The Problem: People with anxiety tend to feel very uncomfortable with uncertainty and could catastrophize uncertainty. As a way to attempt to manage uncertainty, they might worry excessively about every possible outcome. People often think that their worry can help them prepare for various outcomes or gain some control over uncertainty. There can even be a superstitious quality to worry.
A More Productive Solution: Make peace with uncertainty. Just because something is uncertain doesn't mean it is terrible. Also, virtually everything in the future is uncertain because it has yet to happen. Some worry can be productive if it leads you to take action. However, there is often a ruminative or obsessive quality to worry, which is not beneficial. When worrying about something, you can ask yourself if there is some constructive step you can take. Ifso, do it. If not, go back to making peace with uncertainty.
Mistake 3: Excessive Reassurance Seeking
The Problem: Due to difficulties accepting uncertainty, people with anxiety often turn to excessive reassurance-seeking, which can take on many different forms. For example, it could involve asking a friend or loved one for a lot of reassurance, doing internet searches to get relief (this is very common with health anxiety), or checking things over and over to get reassurance that everything is OK. These types of behaviors feed into the cycle of anxiety. Reassurance might help in the short run (or it can make things worse, especially with health anxiety internet searches). Still, it does not set up the person to learn how to tolerate anxiety and uncertainty.
The Solution: Be more mindful and aware of reassurance-seeking urges and try to resist doing it. Even if you delay a reassurance-seeking behavior for a short while (even a few minutes), that builds up your tolerance to uncertainty. The more you practice, the better you will become at resisting. If you have a person who you typically go to for reassurance, you can enlist their help. (See this post for more about how loved ones can help break the reassurance cycle.)
Mistake 4: Avoidance
The Problem: People with all types of anxiety issues tend to engage in avoidance behaviors. Be it avoiding a party or a group dinner due to social anxiety, driving on the freeway due to fears of having a panic attack, or flying on an airplane due to a severe flying phobia, avoidance can start to make a person's world smaller and smaller. Anxiety can rule someone's life in this way.
The Solution: Work on confronting feared situations. By accepting that you will feel some anxiety, it can be helpful to make a plan to start reducing avoidance. It often can be beneficial to list things you are avoiding and, at first, practice going into situations that cause less anxiety than others. Also, certain similar situations might be easier to deal with than others. For example, suppose you fear driving on a freeway. In that case, it might work to start practicing during less crowded times, staying in the slow lane, and repeatedly going one or two exits to practice.
Wrapping Up
If you are dealing with anxiety, the good news is that there are concrete steps that you can take to start to recover. Some people might find that they need some extra support. Many therapists specialize in anxiety and can help you to achieve your mental-health New Year's resolutions.
To find a therapist, visit the Psychology Today Therapy Directory.
References
Gloster, A. T., Walder, N., Levin, M. E., Twohig, M. P., & Karekla, M. (2020). The empirical status of acceptance and commitment therapy: A review of meta-analyses. Journal of Contextual Behavioral Science, 18, 181-192.
Leahy, R. L. (2006). The worry cure: Seven steps to stop worry from stopping you. Harmony.
Rector, N. A., Katz, D. E., Quilty, L. C., Laposa, J. M., Collimore, K., & Kay, T. (2019). Reassurance seeking in the anxiety disorders and OCD: Construct validation, clinical correlates and CBT treatment response. Journal of Anxiety Disorders, 67, 102109.
