Partner Violence Is Common

Take a moment and let the title of this article sink in: “Partner violence is common.” For this article, the title is the main point. It is the crucible. So why did I choose to make the title the entire point of the article? Because not very many people know how common it is or what to do in response to this knowledge.

There are many ways in which intimate partner violence might manifest.

Source: Sidney Sims/Unsplash

What Is Intimate Partner Violence?

The words “partner violence is common” come straight from the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention’s fact page on the frequency of intimate partner violence. Intimate partner violence (or IPV) is a behavior by an intimate partner or ex-partner that causes physical, sexual, or psychological harm, including physical aggression, sexual coercion, psychological abuse, and controlling behaviors (World Health Organization, 2021). When this type of abuse is brought up, many think of outdated terms like “domestic violence” and “battering,” which are not the most inclusive terms on this issue and terms whose definitions typically focus only on physical or sexual violence.

The ways in which intimate partner violence can occur are limitless and might involve:

Physical: slapping, kicking, beating, hitting, punching, pushing, etc.

Sexual: forced sexual behaviors or intercourse, coercion of sexual behaviors or intercourse, forcing or requiring or coercing the partner to undress in front of them, etc.

Emotional or Psychological: insults, threats (of harm, of harming others, of taking children or pets away), intimidating behaviors (e.g., throwing or destroying things), belittling, humiliation, etc.

Controlling Behaviors: controlling finances or restricting access to finances, monitoring communications or interactions with others, stalking, controlling basic needs (e.g., food resources, not allowing a partner to sleep, etc.), isolating a person from their loved ones, restricting access to resources (employment, medical care, etc.), etc.

How Common Is It?

Intimate partner violence is experienced by millions each year, impacting at least 1 in 3 women and 1 in 4 men in their lifetime in the United States (CDC, 2024). Although this statistic has a gender binary focus, IPV also impacts non-binary individuals and individuals of any sexual orientation, race, ethnicity, age, neurotype, religion, relationship status, culture, or class. As a trauma therapist, I have seen this frequency firsthand in working with several clients who have had IPV experiences, whether they have realized it or not.

As an expert blog author on trauma, I have seen this, too. When I started writing for Psychology Today a few years ago, a reader (who identified as a cisgender male) reached out to me after reading an article I did that discussed myths about trauma, such as men can’t be survivors. He thanked me for my article, sharing that he felt seen because so many people didn’t see him as someone who could be a survivor of IPV. He discussed how he felt validated, heard, and understood. IPV often involves severe attachment trauma to the victim/survivor (or victims/survivors—as IPV can involve a cycle between two or more partners as well), which can be inherently isolating. This article aims to dispel that isolation and myth of rarity by helping victims and survivors of IPV to know they are seen and not alone.

The other goal of this article is to support all of us in realizing that we cannot continue to treat this issue as a rare occurrence. This is a phenomenon that likely has touched the lives of all the readers of this article, either their lives or the lives of someone they love.

Knowledge is power, and resources are available.

Source: Neil Thomas/Unsplash

What Do We Do With This Knowledge?

Knowledge is power. Once we know that this is a common occurrence, we can name it when it occurs in our lives, community, and world. After we name it, we can lean into compassion for those impacted and begin to find resources.

If IPV has impacted you or someone you love, there are several resources available. See the reference section for a few helpful ones.

Let us break the cycle of IPV one statistic, one story, and one resource at a time.

To find a therapist near you, visit the Psychology Today Therapy Directory.