Meeting Yourself Right Where You Are

Meeting ourselves where we are with compassion can promote future growth and equip us in our paths to recovery and healing.

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Sometimes you need a reminder that you’re okay just as you are. So here it is: “You’re enough as you are today."

Does this negate your goals and plans for growth and change? Of course not. Does this detract from the suffering, pain, or trauma of your past that weighs on you? Absolutely not. What phrases like this do is give you permission to meet yourself where you are with love, acceptance, empathy, and compassion as you continue to work towards your goals.

Perhaps that phrase sounded odd. Perhaps reading it felt uncomfortable or foreign as you have navigated through a world that has told you that you’re not enough. In a society that is driven by growth, change, and success, it might feel peculiar to consider taking time out of our days to practice self-acceptance and compassion. It might even feel scary, as it might feel as though we are betraying our goals if we take the time to accept where we are now.

Yet taking a moment to provide self-compassion and self-acceptance for where we are and what we are struggling with can work wonders in motivating us for future growth and equipping us for recovery and healing from the past. Instead of staying on the spinning hamster wheel of thinking about all the things we want to change about ourselves, taking a moment to acknowledge ourselves can rejuvenate us in meaningful ways.

In fact, self-acceptance has been recognized by several religions, spiritualities, psychological theories, and therapies as “a catalyst for the alleviation of emotional misery as well as an energizer supporting growth towards happiness and fulfillment” (Bernard, 2013, p. xiii). Self-acceptance is not easy as it involves us accepting ourselves where we are; with all of our strengths, weaknesses, and growth areas (Bernard, 2013). This involves stopping our self-criticism and working to solve all of the "defects of one’s self, and then accepting them to be existing within one’s self; that is, tolerating oneself to be imperfect in some parts” (Bernard, 2013; Shepard, 1979).

Wellbeing is a journey, not a destination.

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Some might hear this and think that taking the time to work towards self-acceptance is not as important as working towards one’s goals or trying to alleviate one's suffering. Yet several research studies find that self-acceptance and self-compassion supports psychological health, well-being, and coping (Bluff, 2018).

Perhaps if we spend the time working on showing ourselves the compassion and acceptance we need, we will be able to better work towards our goals and continue to ride the waves of challenge or suffering that we may face in life. In fact, many of the great psychology and therapy figures in history like Carl Rogers believe that an important aspect of people reaching their full potential and improving well-being involves participating in self-acceptance and self-compassion (Bernard, 2013; Rogers, 1951).

Discussing self-acceptance and self-compassion might sound great in theory but feel elusive as we can find ourselves acclimated to living with a loud inner critic. As with any growth or change, taking "small" steps forward can sometimes be the greatest step we can take for ourselves. Some things that we might do today to practice self-acceptance and self-compassion might include:

• Say affirming phrases to ourselves. Some examples might include:

“I see you right where you are today.”

“It is okay to be experiencing [the emotions, challenges, suffering] that you are today.”

“I am proud of you for [insert here].”

“I recognize and acknowledge your challenges and suffering today. I am with you.”

“I believe in you.”

“You are worth it.”

• Write affirming phrases to ourselves that can be read later to offer ongoing encouragement and support. (See some examples in the bullet point above)
• Take a moment to celebrate recent areas of growth or accomplishments despite challenges that one has faced. These areas to celebrate can be “small” or “big.” All that matters is that you take the time to celebrate your victories despite your challenges or suffering. All victories and growth deserve to be honored!
• Take a moment to journal about what we are feeling without judgment or criticism to give ourselves permission to meet ourselves where we are.
• Participate in self-acceptance or self-compassion meditations or mindfulness activities (see Self-Compassion.org for further resources on this).

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So today, even if for a moment, let’s pause and meet ourselves where we are with love, compassion, curiosity, and empathy. As we journey through this life and practice self-acceptance and self-compassion, may we remember that well-being is a process, not a destination.