The Truth About Therapists

When she walks into the therapy office, you quickly know that she is a special person. She is courageous, resilient, strong, brilliant, and her empathy is healing to those around her. As you read this description, who do you imagine her to be? Is she the therapist? Or is she the client?

There is a misconception that we need to dispel: the myth that therapists have it all together.

Source: Dollar Gill/Unsplash

The therapy process is a beautiful one. It is a place where people may be their authentic selves, be seen, and share their voice. It is a place where a unique relationship is born between a therapist and a client, as the therapist hopes to support the client right where they are in life. Yet, there is a misconception that can seep into the therapy process that must be dispelled: the myth that therapists have it all together.

In the therapy process, as a therapist is supporting their client, it is not uncommon for unrealistic perceptions about the therapist to form. After all, therapists are the experts in mental health, emotions, and well-being, right? As a therapist and an educator of therapists myself, I can wholeheartedly share that even though therapists might have specialized training in wellbeing, coping, and mental health, therapists are human. Therapists, just like everyone else, are not invulnerable to challenges, struggles, and growth in their own lives.

The Most Robust Predictor of Treatment Success

Even though the recognition that therapists are human might sound trivial, it is an important conversation to have. Where idealization of a therapist might foster a sense of safety in the therapeutic relationship (Kohut, 1971), having therapists on a pedestal may also hinder the therapeutic process. For example, if a therapist may be put on a pedestal, a client may begin to feel disempowered in their therapy process as they give the role of “expert” to the therapist without trusting the expertise on themselves that they bring into the process. Additionally, if a therapist is idealized and seen as “perfect,” a client may fall into comparison traps as they compare themselves to an ideal that is unattainable (to both them and the therapist). Finally, if a therapist falls off of their pedestal, it can be disappointing, upsetting, or discouraging to a client.

A therapist’s interpersonal and intrapersonal knowledge and skills are important in their work. Yet, a therapist’s approach, knowledge, education level, or skills are not the best predictor of treatment success. The power of the therapy relationship does not come from the therapist being a superhuman with “powers” that will help heal others; the true power in therapy comes from a therapeutic space and relationship that fosters safety, trust, unconditional positive regard, and acceptance. Of course, competence, training, and knowledge in evidenced-based practices are a crucial foundation for a therapist’s work, but research postulates that the most robust predictor to treatment success is the quality of the therapeutic alliance, or the human-to-human connection (Corey & Corey, 2020; Safran & Muran, 2000).

Therapists have expertise that should not be diminished or ignored, but the human-to-human connection and supportive relationship that a therapist can offer is the foundation for “effective counseling, healing, growth, and change” (Corey & Corey, 2020, p. 165).

Trusting Therapists and Ourselves

There is ample support surrounding the many benefits and positive outcomes that therapy can have. Having trust, faith, and hope in therapy is important. This trust and faith though not only includes that which is had in the therapist, but that which you have in yourself. When we allow therapists to come off of their pedestal and become slightly more human, we too might allow our own abilities to become increasingly recognized and honored. As we navigate therapy, it can be helpful to remember:

• The therapist might have expertise in their field, but we too have expertise in our own stories, journeys, and processes. A collaborative relationship honoring both parties’ expertise in the therapeutic process can be immensely beneficial.
• When we allow therapists to be human, it is not to diminish their value as mental health professionals, but as a reminder that if they can be human, so can we.
• Just as we trust our therapists, we can also trust ourselves.
• If you do not feel safe, heard, or seen in your therapy process, it can be helpful to find a new therapist. Not every therapist will be the right match for you and that is okay. For more on this, see When Therapy Lets You Down.

To close, let us finish the story of the woman who was described earlier. She, or the client, walks in and begins to share. As her therapist, I feel honored to be able to walk through pieces of her journey with her that she shares with curiosity, courage, and vulnerability. As the session comes to an end, she begins to share familiar accolades, thanking me for all that I have done to support her and sharing that I am the reason she has gotten this far. Gently, I remind her that the growth she is seeing is a testament to her work, her perseverance, and the strength she possesses within. You see, what she may not know, is that she inspires me, just as much (if not more) than I inspire her.