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Key points
- A recurring dream can signal an underlying issue that dogs us through different circumstances in our lives.
- Finding a solution to a problem we create in a dream can help point us to a waking-life response.
- Our dreams always provide an opportunity to solve a waking situation we are grappling with.
Marie dreamed repeatedly of trying to adopt a puppy, without success. Dream analysis uncovered the relation between her dream situation and a difficult life situation, and she realized that the same solution would work for both. Her dreams were pushing her towards a new response that could help her achieve her goals more effectively.
Marie’s Dream
Marie told me, “It's a recurring dream. I've had it six or seven times that I can remember since I've been an adult. I am either going to an animal shelter or the place of someone who is adopting out puppies, and I’m so excited! I think about how much fun it will be to walk and play with my new dog, but I never actually get to take the puppy home. The shelter isn't open or there is nobody there to help me. I'm always so disappointed, really crushed.
“I just had this dream again recently. I'm curious as to what it may mean.”
The Discussion
I began by observing, “I’m struck by your feelings in this dream. Can you think of a recent situation—maybe something new to you, like a new friend, a new job, or new situation—in which you started out with high expectations but didn’t end as well as you anticipated?”
Marie considered my question. “I had an interaction with my niece, who I haven't seen for a very long time. She is recently self-isolated and angry but also, I think, has undiagnosed Asperger's."
Her tears beginning to flow, Marie added, “Our family seems oblivious, and I am so sad about it all. I want so much to just be there for her. When I sat with her, I felt such overwhelming love, and she is so alone. The visit affected me deeply."
Thinking aloud, I considered, “So it’s kind of like an adoption. Does this idea resonate for you?”
“Yes.”
I added, “And you can’t take her home.”
She confirmed, “No. Definitely not. Wow! Thinking about this, I'm really overwhelmed right now.”
I surmised, “If we look inside the dream, there’s no place where you are asking for assistance. You say there is no one there to help, but you also don’t seem to seek anyone out. Is there no one to help you help your niece? Have you reached out to other family members?”
Marie explained, “I've talked a little about this to her father but only before I realized I think she may have Asperger's. I had no idea how affected she was, how socially awkward.”
“Do you have any thoughts on who in your family might be as upset as you are or at least might want to talk and see what you might do? Perhaps her dad doesn’t realize how bad his daughter’s situation is.”
She responded, “That’s a good idea. I'm adopted and I am definitely a horse of a different color when it comes to emotional expression. I have been discouraged from being emotionally expressive in my family, so the idea of reaching out is a bit foreign. But I’m so upset, I think it is definitely worth a try."
Connecting the dots with this new information, I exclaimed, “Your images are all around adoption! It’s a perfect choice of metaphor. You are hoping to figuratively adopt this girl who is so alone.”
Marie added, “My niece has so many obstacles in her life, and she probably feels a bit like me, an outsider. Maybe that's what I saw, too. She is transgender. She’s had all her surgeries, and this seemed to be the catalyst for her feeling so alienated.”
Wanting to leave Marie armed with potential and possibility, I offered, "In your dream, you want to adopt a puppy but you can’t, because there is no one there to help you adopt. This is a recurring dream, which suggests a problem that needs solving.
“Dream analysis can open the door for you to exercise new behaviours in working towards solutions for persistent problems. One way your dreams can help is by revealing what’s missing in your habitual responses.
“In your puppy-adoption dream, you arrive at a place where there’s no one to help you. If this dream really happened in your life, you would solve the problem by looking for a helpful person, which is just what you’ve been missing in your waking-life response, where the idea of reaching out is ‘foreign’ to you.
“You can let your dream encourage you to take the initiative in looking for someone to help you move the ‘adoption’ process along. Speak up more. If not your niece’s father, someone else will help you be present for her.”
What We Can Learn
Marie, who was adopted herself, created a dream in which she's trying to adopt a dog. It's a perfect mirror for her wanting to “take in” her niece. Knowing this job is not one she is able to fulfill on her own, she sets this situation up in the dream's story.
Notice how Marie explicitly compares herself to her niece in that both feel like outsiders. The similarities between their life experiences might partly explain why Marie is so moved and upset about her niece’s situation. The recurring nature of the dream also suggests that Marie has repeatedly dealt with this feeling since she became an adult.
Marie’s dream analysis shows how a dream may lead us to examine not only the behaviors we do engage in but also those responses that we don’t engage in. The process of interpreting our dreams can nudge us toward actions that can feel a bit foreign or definitely uncomfortable but that offer an effective response to a current situation.
A recurring dream can push us harder because it signals an underlying issue that continues to dog us through different circumstances in our lives.
