A Dream of Packing: How Dreams Can Facilitate Life Transitions

Ella's dream of packing up her stuff at her old middle school reflects the midpoint stage she has reached in a recent transition. The location also brings out specific people from her middle school years. The dream’s setting puts forward different approaches to a current life situation, revealing multiple possibilities for how to respond.

The Dream

Ella: “I’ve had this recurring dream of trying to pack. I’m packing up a mess, or my stuff, or I am cleaning out a room or locker. Most recently I was at my old middle school, trying to pack up some boxes of stuff. I felt frustrated and stressed out. No matter how much I worked, it was never-ending. I wasn’t alone; there were people from my time at that school and a couple of friends from the same period. They were all waiting for me.”

The Conversation

I started by inquiring, "How did you feel in the dream? Can you name the friends in the dream and tell me about them? Maybe you have a specific memory about one of them.”

Ella responded, "I have been getting poor health news, which is frustrating because I’m trying to make the changes I need to, and nothing works. I am also in the middle of a divorce. In the marriage, no matter how much I tried, I never did well enough."

“My friend Lacey appeared in this dream. She’s funny and caring and is still my best friend today. The tech-ed teacher and vice-principal, both of whom I disliked, were there, too."

I said, "You may have found out why you’re packing in the dream. Is all this 'stuff' you are going through what you are trying to pack? Could you be 'packing away the marriage' so you can move on or making lifestyle changes in order to move on to better health?"

Ella confirmed, "In the case of the divorce, I am actually moving and trying to gather all of my belongings and fit them into boxes."

Considering the setting of the dream, I offered, "I believe middle school is the short, midway point before moving on to high school."

"Yes. Middle school is grades six to eight."

I reflected, "In middle school, we simply don't have the life experiences or confidence that we gain once we move to high school."

Ella continued, "So my middle-school self, like an inner kid, doesn’t understand what happened in my marriage."

I commented, "When you’re in the middle of something like a divorce, you may not have the perspective you require. On the positive side, your dream gives a picture of you gathering all your belongings—your experiences and knowledge of life—and taking them with you wherever you go."

Ella declared, "I definitely relate to being in the mid phase you are referring to, and I am miserable!"

I agreed. "Yes, mid phases are often miserable. Are you being kind to yourself in this phase? I'm asking because two people you disliked—your tech-ed teacher and the vice-principal—showed up in the dream."

“That’s so interesting,” Ella commented. “They were both judgmental. The whole dream feels like a stress response to that feeling that I’ve literally had since middle school of people judging me. They may even represent how I have been judging myself these days!"

I said, "So this teacher and the vice principal might represent the way you have been judging yourself. But Lacey, your best friend, is the aspect of yourself who is funny and caring."

Ella agreed, "That makes sense. It's as if she shows how I need to treat myself through this middle phase."

I asked, "If you’re really packing to go somewhere, at a certain point do you say to yourself, 'I have enough' and close your suitcase?"

She answered, "Not in the dream. It’s like trying to fit all the stuff from a locker into a small bag."

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"Yes! It’s simply too much! We’re best digesting a bit at a time. How long ago did you divorce?"

Ella responded, "We split up in March."

I offered, "So, you’re carrying about nine months’ worth of stuff. If the container you used in the dream was a small bag in your waking life, how would you solve the problem?"

Ella ventured, "Have less stuff?"

"Precisely. We can carry only a certain amount of stuff. Have less stuff, then. Take things one day at a time. Be kinder to yourself and remember: You were two people in the relationship. There's half your baggage right there. Be pickier about what to carry with you. Do you connect to any of those possibilities?"

Ella agreed, "Yes. I like the idea that there were two people in my marriage. I don’t need to take responsibility for the failure all on my own. I also can take things one day at a time and be pickier, setting boundaries."

I added, "It’s time to be gentle with yourself."

What We Can Learn

In Ella's dream, we see how the tech-ed teacher and the vice principal represent a part of Ella who is judging herself at this point in her transition. Her friend Lacey offers a different aspect of herself, with the ability to be funny, caring, and her own best friend.

The characters in a dream can help us realize what parts of ourselves hold us back. They reveal the multiple, potential choices we have in responding to situations in our lives.