Balancing Practicing and Playing

As an undergraduate, I studied music seriously, completing a degree in jazz guitar and vocal performance. Not a very practical degree, I admit, but I’ve never regretted that musical training for a minute. I learned a great deal about life—and psychology—through my study of music.

My brilliant guitar teacher, Linc, was a huge influence, putting me through my paces during my two-hour weekly lessons.

We’d start playing a jazz tune, executing the chords and melody together in normal 4/4 time in the standard key. Then, he’d call out, “OK, Ruth; now modulate to the key of G-flat.” Or, “OK, Ruth; now in 5/4 time.”

What?! Now? Just like that? Surely you’re kidding!

If you are a musician, you’ll understand how crazy it is to expect a student to spontaneously pull that off.

But he wasn’t kidding. I’d stumble through, feeling like I was on a wickedly devised obstacle course, painfully banging my head and stubbing my toes. It was humiliating at times, and he knew it. But he would just laugh and say, “You don’t come here to play, do you? You can play on your own time. I thought you came here to work!”

My teacher cautioned me about getting distracted in my practice time at school or home as well. He understood the temptation to stop practicing scales, arpeggios, chord cycles, or rhythmic exercises—the building blocks for the skills I was seeking to develop—and to start noodling around and playing tunes that were familiar and easy.

When it was practice time, I should stick to practicing.

But Linc also cautioned me against practicing when it was time to play. When I had a gig or even a jam session with friends, I was to let go of my fixation on the technical elements and just be a musician. He believed that I had my own unique sound and message, and he didn’t want me to miss out on the joy of expressing that.

Practice in Other Parts of Life

I’ve observed distinct parallels to other parts of life.

Many spiritual seekers develop practices. These are disciplines they do on a regular basis that promote peace, health, and growth. Yoga, prayer, and meditation are examples.

Doctors and lawyers have practices. These are places where people with medical or legal problems can receive help from professionals grounded in their disciplines. They have tested solutions to offer.

Therapists have practices. Therapy relationships create a context where the therapist and client collaborate to meet the client’s goals. When done well, therapy encourages the client to adopt new practices that bring understanding, clarification of values, new skill sets, coping tools, and recognition of strengths and vulnerabilities.

Over time, this affects the meaning they make from their life experiences.

As a therapist myself, a central goal is for clients to embrace good, healthy practices, but not as an end in themselves. My hope is that these practices lead them to lives that are more purposeful, peaceful, and joyful than they were at the start. They may experience a better flow to daily life; more self-compassion, serenity, and acceptance; and more fulfilling relationships.

I’m always watching and listening for the day when clients have internalized the things we’ve been practicing together. They've become more wholehearted, free, and alive. They communicate that life has begun to offer moments that feel more like playing than practicing. I realize then that I’ve worked myself out of a job, and I rejoice in that.

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We never fully stop the training and practicing process, in music or in life. To maintain a healthy, fruitful life, we need to apply discipline throughout the lifespan. We can’t just be playing all the time.

We need to be willing to “go to the woodshed,” as my musician friends say, and practice so we are prepared for whatever opportunities are coming, the way that musicians continue to practice rudiments to keep their skills intact.

Personal growth involves some hard work, and we are easily distracted from it. We escape and avoid, turning to play at inappropriate times. But staying with a practice consistently can yield great results.

Two Examples

1. Some people struggle in relationships because they haven’t learned to express their thoughts and feelings accurately, assertively, and respectfully. They must practice the skill of speaking and listening in ways that open understanding and promote a loving interchange. With practice, they learn to speak freely without fear of causing hurt to themselves and others.
2. Others have negative mental habits that cause constant fear, shame, and self-doubt. They must practice challenging these destructive belief systems, replacing them with affirmations of their worth. Eventually, when triggered by internal or external accusations, their inner voice assures them of what they now believe to be true—that they are loveable, valuable, and worthy of respect, just as they are.

The disciplines we practice to achieve these goals might include therapy, reading, prayer, meditation, creativity, rest, writing, solitude, recovery meetings, stress reduction, breathing, physical exercise, relationship repair, medical treatment, or study of the wisdom of others who’ve experienced similar issues. These are all tools that help us to develop positive mental and spiritual health.

With all of this talk about practice, I want to emphasize, as my teacher did, that when it is time to play, we should enjoy the fruits of our work. We allow ourselves the freedom to let go and play. We needn’t worry about getting it perfectly right, but we must simply show up as our authentic selves.

Austin Neill/Unsplash

When we have experienced the satisfaction of growth through practice, we know we can return to it and continue growing. Finding the right balance of practice and play keeps us moving forward.

Living things grow. Understanding this makes practice not a burden but a blessing, and our play becomes all the more free and joyous.