Workplace Dynamics

When Your Employee Insults You in Front of Others

Follow these steps to maintain control of your team.

Posted September 28, 2023 | Reviewed by Michelle Quirk

Key points

Lead by example and let employees know that ridicule is not the way to display criticism.
Listen to your employee’s concerns and reinforce the importance of clear communication.
Always discipline employees in private.

Andrea Piacquadio / Pexels

The authority you have over your employees may seem to give you unlimited powers, but since your job is to get work done through your subordinates, they also wield power over you. For things to run smoothly, you are every bit as dependent on them as they are on you. If you’ve been acting like a tyrant, remember that your employees have feelings just as you do. If they seem aggressive or insulting, they may be angry because they think somebody (perhaps you) has made them feel inferior, inadequate, or insecure.

Even when you are sensitive to your employees’ feelings, a few may become hostile, spreading tension among the rest. Some may even use humor or sarcasm to try to discredit you.

Employees who insult you in front of others often disguise their jabs with jokes. They wait to assail you until they are safely surrounded, for example, by an audience of coworkers in the middle of a meeting. They often don the cloak of a comedian, pretending their jabs are meant as humor. Rather than be regarded as having no sense of humor, everyone else laughs uneasily. Whether you accept the attack and join in the laughter or reject it by snapping back, you will be degraded in front of your team.

Unless they tell you, there’s no way to know why these subordinates have a negative attitude toward you. It could stem from something as simple as feeling neglected, unappreciated, or unrecognized.

What You’re Thinking: That was supposed to be a joke, but I felt the sharp edge of that cutting remark. Why is Lila attacking me in this fashion? Why doesn’t she just say what’s bothering her? There’s more to this than what appears on the surface.

What She’s Thinking: The boss thinks he’s so smart. He claims his master plan is making this division come out on top. But where would he be now if I wasn’t such a good budget director? If I jab at his weak fiscal background, I can take him down a few pegs.

Strategy

Your objectives are to maintain your leadership stance, restore any damage the employee did to your standing, and prevent future attacks.

Show that you won’t stand for being put down. Calmly and dispassionately indicate that you’re glad to discuss any legitimate criticism.
Keep your tone light and your message crystal clear. Let the employee know she can’t hide her hostility with humor. Then turn the tables and needle her by asking her to be a little more specific; after that, ask for even more clarification. Reply factually without getting defensive.
Confront the employee in private. Try to get at the root of the hostility. Emphasize your goal of transparency. If the employee won’t tell you, then let her know that you know she has been attacking you and ask her to stop. Look her directly in the eye and use a friendly but no-nonsense tone.

Tip: Stop the sniping with firmness and good humor. If this employee is willing to disclose to you what’s really bothering her, you can discuss the problem and probably resolve the matter.