Workplace Dynamics

When Your Boss Is Condescending

How to maintain professionalism while commanding respect.

Posted March 28, 2024 | Reviewed by Gary Drevitch

Key points

A condescending boss is more focused on themself than on how they make others feel.
Act with professionalism and do not expect to change your boss.
Focus instead on changing the way that you react to your boss’s lack of tact.
Interact with confidence and sincerity, remembering that you earned your role.

Moose Photos / Pexels

Condescending bosses patronize and talk down to you. These bosses have an exaggerated opinion of themselves and a devaluated opinion of others. They may be intellectual snobs who only tacitly permit you to join the discussion. They then ignore your ideas, zapping you with put-downs as they downplay your suggestions.

Condescending bosses are quick to grasp the full implications of a problem and faster than you are at seeing solutions. They are also insulting when they allow you to do something on your own: “This is an easy job. Molly can handle it.”

What You’re Thinking: My boss is really very smart about the business, but he never learned to act with tact. Everyone puts up with his abrasive manner because he gets results. I guess I’m fortunate that his rude comments are not directed solely at me. He shares his arrogance among all of us. I make a point and he adds another aspect to it. Fine, but why does he have to preface it with, “What Molly was trying to say is…”? I am perfectly capable of expressing myself, so why do I let him make me feel like an idiot?

What They're Thinking: That was sheer genius, the way I got the Board to go along with the proposal. Anticipating every reaction, I had all the facts and figures to allay their concerns. My staff is still panting, trying to keep up with me. I wish they would stop offering me their ideas after they get themselves into a mess. It is their distorted thinking that brings on the problems in the first place, and they need my clear analysis to bail them out. I must remind them before the next crisis to bring me only the problem, not their misguided solutions.

Strategy

It’s safe to assume that these bosses have been applauded for accomplishments all their lives, and no one ever bothered to teach them humility. They believe they are excellent administrators. It’s unlikely that anything you say will change them or soften and mellow their overbearing rudeness. What you can change is your reaction to their lack of tact. Also, you can guard against a possible unwarranted attack.

Choose to dwell on how good and talented you are. Bosses can’t make you feel bad about your self-worth unless you let them. In time, you won’t even hear the tactless comments. You’ll be too busy thinking and planning along with the boss for your next success.
Gently remind the boss you play a part in what they're accomplishing. You want them to appreciate your efforts, even if you don’t quite measure up to their excessive standards. Prepare your remarks in advance of your staff meetings. Use progress reports to deftly and delicately tell the boss how capable you are, and quantify the efforts you expended: Numbers make a greater impression than adjectives.
Pay close attention to the office grapevine. An arrogant boss is an unlikely candidate for sharing the blame with you when things go wrong. Keep on top of developments to avoid being blamed for something that is not your fault. Don’t wait for your problem to mushroom into a crisis. Ask early for the boss’s help but wait until they ask before you suggest solutions.

Tip: The boss’s condescending remarks will diminish in proportion to the amount of increased respect you are able to earn. They’re clever and conceited; you can be clever and considerate. Be ready with facts that you have double- and triple-checked for accuracy. Acknowledge that they are the boss, but when you get the go-ahead, move quickly and confidently—and keep them informed.