Avoiding Parental Burnout

Admit it: There are times when parenting can become overwhelming. Whether your child is disrespectful, unreasonable, or just plain rude, we all can become triggered. That’s when our emotions may grab hold of us and make us say things we don’t mean.

At these times, we are clearly not making our best decisions. These are the times when we raise our voices, threaten punishments we later have to take back, and just vent our frustration and hurt feelings. Sometimes, perhaps often, we can be too harsh, which can have us feeling guilty for days at a time. Sound familiar?

It can also seem like we have to be perfect in the way we respond to our children, yet our teens have no such limitations. They sometimes seem to act however they want, while we are expected to do everything exactly right. Yet, as much as our kids don’t always think so, we’re human. We don’t always stay perfectly logical in the face of disrespect and poor behavior.

Yet, it seems that, as parents, there is an expectation that we will always be in control of our emotions and not let them affect our judgment. This is not only unfair; it’s also not possible.

Becoming Emotionally Overwhelmed

Just because we’ve become parents doesn’t mean that we have perfect control over our emotions. Perhaps our kids touch on an unresolved issue we have from our childhood. If they get angry and threaten to run away, maybe this triggers our own fears of abandonment. We are all works in progress and dealing with a multitude of life experiences that have shaped who we are as people.

The other problem is our teens know how to hit us where it hurts. Whatever emotional vulnerability we have, our kids will find it. They are like little homing pigeons and find just what it is that bothers us most and push on it. Whatever it is that most touches our nerves or causes us to become reactive, our kids discover it and happily push on it for their own benefit. While we may have enough self-control to not take the bait some of the time, there are other times when we are not so strong and may get lost in our emotions and overwhelmed by the situation.

When this happens, we need to prioritize self-care in our lives. If we can recognize when we are becoming overwhelmed, we can also disengage from the situation long enough to regain our composure. We may not want to disengage at the moment, as emotions tend to want to charge forward like a speeding train; however, if we can override that desire, we can give ourselves the self-care we need. Sometimes, just taking a small time-out can help us compose ourselves so we can be more effective in dealing with the situation.

Giving Ourselves the Same Consideration We Give Others

While getting caught in our emotions is not ideal, it happens. We get to be human, just like our teens get to be human. We can give ourselves the same grace and forgiveness that we would give to someone else talking to us about the difficulties they’re having with their own children. Sometimes, we are much harder on ourselves than we would be with others, and perhaps we can be kinder to ourselves.

While we are all hopefully trying to do our best as parents, sometimes, teens can be especially difficult. Their adamant defiance and disrespect can push on every last nerve we have. Unfortunately, when this happens, that’s when we become emotionally caught and can start making bad decisions ourselves.

All of us can be victims of becoming emotionally reactive. At these times, if we have a partner, this may be the time to turn over dealing with our child to our partners. They may not be as overwhelmed as we are and may have more of an ability to deal with the situation and not make things worse.

It’s also important to forgive ourselves. All we can do is the best we can at the moment. Parenting is not always easy. The key is recognizing when we are becoming emotionally overwhelmed and taking the time to right ourselves. In this way, we can hopefully be making our best choices when dealing with our adolescents and teens.