How Much Sex Is Too Much?

In the U.S., the top recreational activity is walking outdoors. More than three-quarters of Americans (82 percent) enjoy it. Of course, some must abstain due to injuries or disability. And among the able-bodied, some walk rarely, others occasionally, and some daily. Is it possible to walk too much? Yes—if it causes injury or interferes with school, work, family, or other life responsibilities. But if not, walking is fine, even if it consumes several hours a day.

The same is true for other leisure pursuits: dancing, biking, gardening, yoga, etc. It’s fine to abstain, and it’s fine to participate daily. The only red flags are injury and interference with life necessities. Absent those caveats, few criticize others for walking, gardening, or dancing “too much.”

But when the recreational activity is sex, attitudes change. Some psychologists insist there’s an upper limit to healthy sexual frequency—six orgasms a week, solo or partnered. They contend that seven or more weekly orgasms for six months constitutes psychopathology: “hypersexuality,” “sexual compulsivity,” or “sex addiction.”

If seven or more weekly orgasms constitute hypersexuality, then something is wrong with 33 million American adults, a recent study shows.

The Study

Psychologists at several universities used the internet to recruit 1,452 U.S. adults (845 women, 593 men, 14 other), who formed a reasonably representative sample. Participants completed an anonymous online survey that probed many aspects of sexuality, including orgasm frequency.

Almost one in five (18 percent) reported seven or more orgasms a week (men, 26 percent, women, 10 percent). Singles had more solo orgasms, coupled folks more partnered O’s. But a substantial proportion of participants had more than seven a week. Are they compulsive sex addicts?

The Battle Over Hypersexuality

From Biblical times well into the Industrial Revolution, God approved only one reason for sex. Children. In Genesis, God’s first commandment to humanity is: Be fruitful and multiply. Theologians have never objected to frequent sex—if its goal was pregnancy.

Around 200 years ago, theologians decided God also felt fine about sex for the purpose of cementing holy matrimony. Again, moral authorities had no objections to sex daily or more if it strengthened marriages.

But any sex simply for fun—self-sexing or casual, group, or same-gender sex, or sex for money—remained a grievous sin, and for many, still is.

Meanwhile, solo sex is by far the world’s most popular form of lovemaking, and casual flings, same-gender couplings, group play, and variations such as BDSM are quite common.

Contemporary notions of hypersexuality date from 1983, when psychologist Patrick Carnes, Ph.D., published Out of the Shadows: Understanding Sexual Addiction. It launched a cottage industry that now includes many books by Carnes and others, myriad twelve-step groups (Sexaholics Anonymous and others), a research journal called Sexual Addiction and Compulsivity (founded by Carnes and colleagues), and sex-addiction therapists (most credentialed by an organization founded by Carnes).

Supporters of the sex-addiction model say it includes: obsessive sexual thoughts, public flashing, serial one-nighters, extra-marital affairs, group sex, and visits to sex workers. But today, with pornography just a tap away on phones, the number one symptom is frequent self-sexing to porn, which typically produces orgasms—for some, seven or more a week.

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Ever since Carnes coined the term sex addiction, it’s been controversial. Critics asked: How much sex makes one hypersexual? In 1991, Massachusetts psychiatrist Martin Kafka, M.D., defined it as seven or more orgasms a week for at least six consecutive months accompanied by significant personal distress or major social or occupational turmoil. However, Kafka’s figure was not based on rigorous research. And as it percolated through the culture, many forgot his caveat about personal distress, and fastened on the idea that an orgasm a day was toxic.

The battle over hypersexuality raged for more than 20 years. During much of this period, thousands of stakeholders participated in the arduous process of updating the American Psychiatric Association’s (APA) bible of mental illness, the Diagnostic and Statistical Manual (DSM). Advocates of the sex-addiction model lobbied to include hypersexuality as an official diagnosis, but presented only scant research that high-frequency sex was necessarily a problem. Meanwhile, critics of the hypersexuality idea marshalled substantial research showing that normal, healthy sexual frequency varies tremendously and that seven or more orgasms a week usually cause no measurable distress.

The battle was more than a tempest in a teapot. Millions of dollars a year were at stake. Treatment of disorders recognized by the DSM usually qualify for insurance coverage.

In 2013, the APA released DSM-5. It deleted all references to hypersexuality and sex addiction. As far as the APA is concerned, they don’t exist.

However, the concept of hypersexuality is alive and well. “Sex addiction” is so embedded in our culture that few people know it’s fiction. And, the 2019 edition of the World Health Organization's DSM, the International Classification of Diseases, recognized “compulsive sexual behavior disorder,” which includes “excessive” sex. under some circumstances.

Distress, Not Frequency

This brings us back to my opening question: How much sex is too much?

Several studies show that self-identified sex addicts don’t view more porn or have more sex than most other folks. They just feel more distressed by it—usually because they were raised in fundamentalist, sex-negative families, with parents and churches insisting that, except for children and cementing marriage, sex is bad, and people who have recreational sex are deviant, especially if they indulge frequently.

There is only one universally valid sexual generalization. Everyone is sexually unique. Our sexuality is as individual as our DNA. Recreational sex—solo or partnered—is similar to recreational walking. Some abstain, others have sex occasionally, and some daily or more. No studies I’m aware of show that frequent sex is inherently problematic. I would argue that, assuming consent and no interference with school, work, family, or other life responsibilities, any sexual frequency is fine.

Enjoy yourself.

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