Even if You Feel Like Trash, It Doesn't Mean You Are Trash

Source: Jennifer Gerlach

A sign hangs in my office crafted from a piece of cardboard I tore up. It reads, "Just because you feel like trash, that doesn't mean that you are trash." It's something I put together both in memory of how depression once distorted my view of myself as well as a reminder to individuals who enter my office of their worth.

A Spiral of Negativity Bias and Low Self-Worth

Feelings of worthlessness are listed within the fifth edition of the Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders (DSM-V) as a criterion for major depression. It's a complex symptom with a cascade of underlying processes. When we are depressed, we tend to overfocus on negative information over positive pieces. Research has shown this to be especially true regarding emotional information (Gollan et al., 2016). In the short term, we can feel a much stronger negative impact of things like criticism when we are depressed, funneling our concentration toward these events.

We form memories based on what we focus on. If our attention is geared toward positive things, that's what we best remember. However, when we are experiencing depression, we get stuck on negative ones, particularly as these relate to our self-worth, creating a self-feeding spiral.

When depression is ongoing, this can take a turn toward a reality in which our memories paint a picture of our character, abilities, and potential that is bleak, naturally lending to a negative self-view. For many, these underlie behaviors of isolation and a decrease in kindness toward ourselves.

Emotional Reasoning

Emotional reasoning is another way that depression tricks us into a low self-appraisal. In cognitive behavioral therapy, emotional reasoning is identified as a habit of thought wherein our moods/emotions cloud our perceptions (Beck, 2020). We are most susceptible to emotional reasoning during times of depression.

You can think of this as a sort of "depression glasses" that tints everything in our vision range. Regardless of the facts of the situation, because depression gives us a sense of feeling bad, we can mistakenly believe that we are bad. Mood is a powerful influencer: As humans, we do things simply because we feel like it all the time. Normally, this is not much to worry about. Yet, within a depressive episode, it can be extremely problematic.

Psychic Equivalence

A final weapon that depression hides in its pocket is psychic equivalence. In mentalization-based therapy, psychic equivalence is a "non-mentalizing mode" during which we view what is inside our minds as the absolute truth. Depression can twist this into a sort of confirmation bias wherein we begin to believe that other people also devalue us.

Our modern interactions with social media coupled with the increased sensitivity to criticism that depression brings create a perfect storm for both psychic equivalence and low self-worth. A study of 164 undergraduate women found that those who relied on social media for their senses of self reported significantly higher depressive symptoms than those who showed less of this property based on an online questionnaire (Sabik et al., 2020).

When we are feeling low and experiencing isolation, the internet can create an infernal echo chamber reflecting a gloomy view of ourselves.

Why It Matters

First, it matters because the reality is that we are not trash. We have value as people. In addition, feelings of self-hatred are linked to self-destructive behaviors such as self-harm (Xavier et al., 2017) and eating disorders (Marques et al., 2021). Experiences of childhood abuse can magnify these experiences and their effects (Nilsson et al., 2022).

Low self-worth can also sabotage progress toward our aspirations. We may underestimate our potential contributions or believe that we are not "worth it," leading us to turn down opportunities such as applying for a new job, going to college, engaging in healthy relationships, or taking care of our health. We can treat ourselves like we are trash.

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Working through the dimensions that lead to self-hatred can be intimidating but life-enhancing. Through doing so, we can find a greater sense of peace with ourselves, improving our relationships with others and life satisfaction.

Challenging Depression

If you are struggling with depression and/or a belief that you are trash, here are four steps you can take:

1. Look for the evidence. See if you can list the evidence for your belief as well as the reasoning against it. Know that your list may be biased given that depression bises us against the positive. When you do something kind, receive a compliment, or otherwise feel good about something, write it down. This can help to counteract the negativity bias a bit.
2. Remember that you may feel differently when you aren't depressed. You might feel worthless now, but there is a good chance that you won't feel this way forever, especially if you are also in a depressive episode that could lift. You might not be able to see the depression glasses that have cruelly glued themselves to your head, but you can keep in mind that how you feel now could change.
3. Ask others. When we are experiencing depression, psychic equivalence can lead us to believe that others also think poorly of us. We are more likely to make assumptions without investigating them. Still, we can't read minds. If you can be courageous enough to ask others when you have suspicions that they are angry with you or otherwise thinking poorly of you, you are in a position to challenge this.
4. Seek support. Seeking support when experiencing depression and a sense of worthlessness is vital. This can be support from friends and family. It can also be professional support; psychotherapy can help you to examine these experiences, and cognitive behavioral therapy can give you a place to challenge your thoughts. If your sense of self-worth is being more clouded by relationships, mentalization therapy may assist with improving relationships with yourself and others. This can help you recognize and free yourself from psychic equivalence and other non-mentalizing modes.

If you feel like trash, know that you are not alone. You are worth your recovery. How you view yourself can change.

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