Where's the Line Between Entitlement and Initiative?

A growth mindset is a concept that has found itself in classrooms and even therapy rooms across the United States. It encourages us to take steps toward our goals even when we lack total certainty in our abilities. It is a trait that has been predicted by aspects such as socio-economic status, creating controversy as to whether mindset reflects a positive character trait or a realistic response to one's environment and privilege (Claro and Dweck, 2016).

While I'd heard about the construct in the past, a therapeutic card game sparked my interest in the growth mindset. As I sorted through the prompts with initial intentions to consider how to integrate them into my therapeutic work with clients, I reflected on my attitudes. As someone who once stood back from risks, particularly those that felt like a request, I had unknowingly held myself back. It changed my view.

In the following weeks, I took a few more risks than usual, sharing my interest in collaborating with someone. Through this experience, I learned, grew, and made progress on something that matters to me, as well as a few 'wins' in my professional life.

It's normal for us to have doubts, especially when stepping beyond our comfort zones in taking professional or personal risks that involve asking for something. Where is the line between entitlement and initiative? For women, the challenge becomes extra tricky.

To not appear as the entitled stereotype, I bent in the other direction, minimizing myself and my opportunities. I had to practice reaching out.

Actions such as sharing one's ideas, standing up for oneself, or asking for something are often perceived as 'bossy,' among other unkind terms when displayed by my gender. In men, the same is admired as showing interest and leadership capacity. Yet, these gestures often lead to opportunities, new connections, and forward motion — perhaps defining gender differences in things such as salary and pay raises.

It's a phenomenon known as assertiveness backlash. Meta-analysis shows that research shows time and time again that when women engage in behaviors demonstrating dominance like making a request or direct eye contact, they are more likely to receive negative reactions than men (Williams and Tiedens, 2016). Fear of these outcomes often leads women to curve their negotiation strength. A social experiment found that the women studied often hedged their negotiation strength within advocacy contexts (Amanatullah et al., 2010.)

The concept of a growth mindset is often taught as akin to an attitude. Still, it is difficult to measure these actions in terms of attitude when women are socialized to be meeker and humbler in their ventures than men. As well, simple coaching in attitude change for the woman does little to change the system she is in.

Nonetheless, actions of initiative can benefit all. As women can demonstrate initiative without shame, a precedent is set.

What follows are three ways people of all genders can develop their sense of initiative without displaying entitlement.

1. Ask

If there is something you would like to try, such as volunteering for a local organization or helping with a project, ask. It is on the other person to say 'no' if they do not feel you are a good fit. You always have the right to ask.

2. Try New Things

Trying new things is a means of cultivating initiative. This can take form from visiting a museum to doing something slightly outside your comfort zone at work. These new experiences broaden your horizons.

3. Notice Unwarranted Shame Without Feeding It

Culturally, women may feel more unwarranted shame for showing initative than men. It's difficult to make this go away. Still, we can notice the emotion, ask ourselves if we have done anything to violate our moral compass, and, if not, move forward. Over time, the unwarranted shame of showing initiative will fade away.