Coping With the Loss of Your Reproductive Rights

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For the first time in national history, a law has passed that recognizes frozen embryos as human beings. The Alabama Supreme Court ruled on February 16, 2024, that embryos created through in vitro fertilization (IVF) are now considered children, creating a domino effect of emotions ranging from immense fear to sheer rage across fertility clinics, doctors’ offices, and the infertility community. The feeling of helplessness from this loss of control and outrage over the situation as a whole is triggering for many and will likely exacerbate the feelings of anxiety, shame, outrage, guilt, grief, helplessness, and uncertainty that the infertility process already evokes in those struggling to build their families. You are not alone, and this is an entirely normal response to a highly unusual crisis.

What to Do if You’re Feeling Overwhelmed

Overall, the Alabama Supreme Court ruling is a decision that has sent shockwaves throughout the infertility community. Give yourself permission to feel all your feelings and know that even during times of uncertainty and loss of control, only you get to define your relationship to your embryos and the meaning of your reproductive journey. Validate your feelings, prioritize your mental health, and assemble a toolkit of coping strategies.

Here are some specific steps you can take if you are feeling:

Anxious

Anxiety is a fear response that can be triggered when you perceive some form of control, like your reproductive rights, being taken from you.

Here’s what you can do:

• Seek support from loved ones or a licensed mental health professional.
• Check out resources from reputable sources, such as RESOLVE: the National Infertility Association.

Outraged

Infertility inherently brings out feelings of being treated unfairly, causing anger when you see others able to get pregnant with little to no effort. The Alabama ruling will only add to these feelings that other people get to decide and control if and how you can build your family.

Here’s what you can do:

• Set limits on media and exposure to more trauma. Stay informed without spiraling. Choose a few reliable resources for information and check them once a day and not before bed.
• Practice mindfulness: Download a meditation app or practice box breathing to help regulate your emotions and prevent your stress levels from climbing.

Guilt

You may feel guilty over the idea that you waited too long to start a family and now must face unfair restrictions on family building choices. Know that what you’re feeling guilty about is likely nothing you could have predicted or prepared for.

Here’s what you can do:

• Use your agency. Get active and give back rather than focusing on feelings of guilt and self-blame.

Grief

Grief isn’t a feeling that only comes from a direct loss; you can feel grief if your treatment has been put on hold or if you’ve been distanced from your embryos in a way that now feels uncertain or unsafe. This grief is normal, but it’s not commonly accepted or understood by most of society.

Here’s what you can do:

• Create rituals. Rituals can help provide order to the chaos of sadness and grief.
• Create a memory box with pictures of your embryos, your medications, or anything that symbolizes what you want to hold safe while your reproductive journey is on pause.
• Light a candle to honor and validate your grief and light a path to your future choices.
• Reach out and help others who are suffering.

Shame

Infertility causes some to feel like a failure or that they are somehow “broken.” The Alabama Supreme Court ruling may add insult to injury, causing more feelings of being unlucky or cursed.

Here’s what you can do:

• Join a support group. Having someone who may be experiencing similar feelings or going through a similar situation and sharing your thoughts and emotions with them can make you feel less alone.

Infertility Essential Reads

4 Steps to Creating a Story for Your Donor-Conceived Child

Separate Infertility From Your Child’s Donor Story

Helpless

Feeling that you’ve lost control of something can cause you to feel helpless, too. You might feel helpless over what you can do to protect the embryos you’ve frozen. You might also feel desperate to understand your options and where to seek or resume fertility treatment or transfer your stored embryos.

Here’s what you can do:

• Practice self-care: Take time to care for yourself so you can maintain the energy and balance needed to manage distress.
• Find an activity where you can be in control; try putting together a puzzle, painting, drawing, or journaling.

To find a therapist near you, visit the Psychology Today Therapy Directory.