How to Avoid Becoming a Victim of Sexual Predators

iStock: Khosro Rajabkordi

When powerful people are revealed as sexual predators, some people are fast to criticise the behaviour of victims for trusting them. Yet, many of us have trusted them. We have befriended them, employed them, and accepted their behaviour. Our warning systems have been overpowered by the kind of charisma, that masks manipulation and an immoral misuse of power, wealth, and fame.

Warning Systems

As human beings, we have capable warning systems, which can sometimes help keep us safe. We often have the ability to spot those who present a danger to us or those in our care, whether it be bullies in a playground or sexual predators at work (Borba, 2016). Through our emotional intelligence, we can get a more accurate picture of who someone really is, rather than be convinced by what they project.

Empathy

A major component of emotional intelligence is empathy (Goleman, 1996). Empathy allows us to better understand the thoughts and emotions of another and read their true intentions toward us (McLaren, 2013). We need to imagine being the other person and see the world through their eyes to get this vital information. Without empathy, we are more likely to be duped by the words and behaviours the predator skilfully employs.

Empathy is a life skill that we are continuously learning and developing. Until cognitive decline, the older we are, the better our skills of empathy are likely to be (Oh, 2020). Predators target adolescents or younger adults to give themselves an extra "edge" (Rymanowicz, 2020).

Don't Switch Off!

Age, fame, wealth, and social position are variables that can cloud our empathy, inhibiting our understanding of the true intentions of another. Our warning systems have as much power as we choose to give them. We may forget to deploy them, or we might deny their necessity in the situation. Whatever the reason, if our energy is misdirected, our warning lights don’t flash as brightly.

Self-Empathy

Self-empathy (Sear, 2023) means reflecting on how we feel and why we may be feeling that way. It is important to question what you expect from a situation, what you want, and how these things align with the intentions of the other person. Through self-empathy and empathy, we have a better chance of staying safe. These important reflective skills could be encouraged in schools.

Manipulators

Prey-predator dynamics are a recurrent feature of human evolution and have shaped our physical and psychological systems (Jonason & De Gregorio, 2022). Jonason and De Gregorio suggest that since women are more likely to be victims, their ability to perceive intentions (empathy) has grown. Sadly, the dynamics of evolution never end, and predators develop new ways to manipulate, seduce, deceive, and dehumanize others (Bubandt & Willerslev, 2015). Sexual predators will do whatever they deem necessary to manipulate (Vachon & Lynam, 2016). Their behaviours are designed to shut down the warning systems of their prey and instill positive emotions and feelings of safety.

Empathy can help keep us safe if we maintain it. Like all skills, we can practice empathy. This can be done by regularly considering the perspectives and motives of others. A good way of doing this is to read high-quality fiction, where the intentions and motives of characters are not clearly signposted, and we, as the readers, must do the work (Kidd & Castano, 2017). When we read fiction, we are continually considering how characters feel, what they might do, and why they might do it. We are soon able to predict how each will behave in a given situation. It becomes second nature to us because empathy is part of who we are.

Dangerous Situations

Sometimes it's not possible to foresee predatory behavior. Or it is when we are in the story ourselves that we might struggle to see things clearly, with intense emotions fogging the air. Sometimes we realise when it seems too late. We suddenly recognise the reality that we have been fooled by someone with ill intent. This is where our communication skills become vital.

Empathic Communication

Becoming an empathic communicator will improve your safety (Williams, 2006). Knowing how the other will react to whatever you say gives you a better chance of getting it right. In a predatory situation, this can make all the difference (Zaki & Cikara, 2015). By understanding the desires of the other, you can tailor the language and delivery that is most likely to keep you safe. This might mean telling a predator something they want to hear, just to facilitate your escape.

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Organizations

The powerful positions that predators often reach facilitate their behaviours. Psychologists have recognised that organisations regularly select and promote the wrong individuals (Babiak & Hare, 2006). These individuals may be manipulators, sexual predators, and/or bullies. They are sometimes promoted repeatedly until their kind dominates the highest levels of the organisational hierarchy (Pech & Slade, 2007). This suggests that where a sexual predator sits in a seat of power, he is unlikely to sit alone.

One of the reasons that many predators get away with their behaviours for many years is the way they consistently project themselves. Charm, charisma, and presentation style are synonymous with the famous sexual predators reported in the media, and are just as likely to be characteristics of predators in industry.

It is worth remembering where charisma can lead us. Adolph Hitler and Joseph Stalin are frequently cited as two of the most charismatic people of the 20th century (Graham, 1991). Organizations could take more care (employ psychologists) and be more empathic with their recruitment and promotion practices. Like the victims of sexual predators, they can be easily duped into believing what is projected and allow that to override their warning systems. This leaves other employees vulnerable.