Verified by 
Relationships
5 Questions to Answer Before Opening Up a Relationship
2. Do we both want this equally?
Posted November 17, 2023 Reviewed by Ray Parker
Key points
- For many couples, opening up their relationship is a liberating prospect that can improve connection.
- Couples should discuss rules and boundaries and address jealousy.
- One partner may eventually want out of the arrangement.
At some point during a long-term relationship, many couples begin to question whether life-long monogamy is genuinely a good fit. Partners may feel a strong emotional connection to their partner but wonder if relying on just one person to fulfill all of their emotional and sexual needs is truly realistic.
For some couples, opening up their relationship offers a compelling solution. It's a liberating prospect for couples who still love each other but yearn for more than what their current relationship provides.
Opening up a relationship can also feel scary, however. It charters new territory, where emotional risk and relational damage run high.
The good news is that opening up a relationship breathes fresh air when executed with care. It empowers couples to reimagine their relationship in a way that works better for them.
Its success, however, depends on honesty, trust, and clear communication. It demands a willingness to address concerns with empathy and compassion.
Here are five questions to help anyone hoping to open their relationship do just that.
1. Are We Doing This for the Right Reasons?
Why are you considering inviting new sexual or romantic partners into your lives? Be brutally honest. Do you still care deeply for each other but crave the excitement of new partners? Or is it a last-ditch effort to fix a rocky relationship?
If the latter is true, you're setting yourself up for massive hurt and disappointment. Open relationships work best when a connection is already on solid ground. Otherwise, it's just a painful path toward a breakup.
2. Do We Both Want It Equally?
Does your partner honestly share your enthusiasm for opening up the relationship, or are they just going along to make you happy? Are they worried that if they disagree, they will lose you?
You both must be equally invested in the idea for it to work. If the decision is fueled by an unequal power dynamic, where one partner stands much more to lose, that will be damaging.
3. What Are Our Rules and Boundaries?
Assuming you are both equally on board, now is the time to discuss the rules and boundaries. What's okay and what's off-limits? Is it just sex with other people you are agreeing to, or are you granting permission to have other romantic relationships?
How much time will you spend with other partners versus each other? Will you all socialize together with your other partners, or will you keep your relationships separate?
This is all about crafting your unique rulebook.
4. What Happens If One of Us Starts to Feel Jealous?
Jealousy is bound to happen in any relationship, including monogamous ones. The key to addressing this is expressing empathy and having a predetermined game plan to address issues early and head-on.
Plan regular check-ins to be sure you both feel good about the arrangement and have a safe space to express concerns. Often, the solution is as simple as agreeing to spend more time together or finding better ways to reassure your partner of their importance to you.
5. What Happens If One of Us Wants Out?
All relationships require flexibility. If one person decides that an open relationship isn't working for them, a good solution would be to agree to go back to monogamy for at least a short while.
Sometimes, all that is needed is a reset, when you and your partner prioritize each other and strengthen your connection before opening things back up. Occasionally, it may be the case where one partner realizes they strongly and permanently desire to go back to monogamy, whereas the other does not.
In that case, a hard decision will have to be made. It could be that you both want different things and must go your way. That is a better solution than the resentment that will build if one partner feels forced to adopt a relationship structure they implicitly detest.
Remember, stepping into an open relationship can be a thrilling journey and a leap into unfamiliar territory. Ask these questions, talk openly, and ensure you're both genuinely prepared for this new experience.
Facebook image: Zmaster/Shutterstock
