6 Ways to Deal With People Who Talk Too Much

Being around a person who just can’t seem to stop themselves from babbling can be annoying, not to mention boring. How many times have you been stuck with someone who comments on every small detail of every situation, leaving no room in the stream of words for you to enter? Perhaps you were seated at a party with a tablemate who began talking the minute you sat down and didn’t quit until the evening was over. You didn’t want to be rude, but the constant chatter meant that no one else, including you, could bring up your own topics of interest.

Off-Target Verbosity in Everyday Life

Psychology has offered little in the way of suggestions on this very common situation, called “off-target verbosity,” other than to examine the overly talkative person from a neurocognitive perspective (e.g., Arbuckle et al., 2004). When people lack inhibitory control due to some loss of so-called “frontal lobe function,” they simply can’t stop themselves from prattling, much less be aware of the fact that they’re engaging in this behavior. However, even knowing that something might be going on in the brain of the talkative person doesn’t exactly give you practical, hands-on, ways to curb their incessant speech.

Instead, a 2016 study by Maastricht University’s Esther Giroldi and colleagues skips over the question of what causes this behavior and goes directly to the point of managing it. The study was based on the problem faced by physicians as they try to extract information from their overly talkative patients. Because the patients talk so much, the physicians can’t pinpoint their problems and so they must find ways to cut to the chase.

As the authors note, “Seeing the name of a talkative patient on the schedule may even lead to a ‘heartsink feeling’” because they know their task will be made more challenging and that this can lead to “improper diagnostics and treatment and inhibit the delivery of patient-centred care.”

You may not have the issue of trying to diagnose this other person, but you may still experience that “heartsink feeling” yourself as the evening’s events unfold and you can’t enjoy them. The work of the Dutch researchers can provide you with some concrete suggestions the next time you find yourself in this plight.

Identifying the Source of the Chattiness

The sample of 16 general practitioners that Giroldi et al. recruited, each with five years of work experience, provided the research team with descriptions of consultations with patients who met these objective criteria of talkativeness: excessive speech, lack of focus and structure, swerving off-topic, overload of irrelevant information, repetition, and difficult to manage or direct.

Following this initial round of data collection, the research team then moved on to focus groups, in which 25 different physicians provided their perspectives on what the deeper issues might be that can lead a patient to become so talky. The interviews were then coded by members of the research team until they reached consensus on the main themes.

Six main strategies emerged. Three of these were based on understanding the causes of the talkativeness, and three from “damage control.” All of these are based on the goals of building and maintaining a good doctor-patient relationship while also employing communication skills in a directive manner. As you read each strategy, think about how you might use each one yourself:

Understanding the cause of the talkativeness:

1. Provide emotional support for someone whose excessive talking may come from loneliness.
2. Create a structure to help someone with poor communication skills narrow their speech to what’s most relevant.
3. The individual may be nervous, so create a sense of safety and comfort.

Damage control:

1. Don’t be too directive with the person (i.e., telling them to be quiet) at first and see if you can limit them.
2. See if you can convince the person to allow other people to join in the conversation.
3. Interrupting someone or putting them down can be humiliating, so show empathy when you do interrupt as well as humor.

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Putting These Strategies to Use

Most important of all these strategies is the idea of empathic interrupting; however, it is also clear that this needs to be done in a stepwise manner. Letting the person go on and on until you’ve had it will only result in your blurting out something rude you will regret later. Additionally, when this happens in the presence of other people, you run the risk of looking insensitive if you’re too dismissive or critical. Sometimes nice people just talk too much. Those nice people may also talk too much if they feel anxious about the situation they’re in, or perhaps they really are lonely and this is the first chance they’ve had to socialize in a while.

Reflecting on their own findings, the U. Maastrict authors conclude that the “heartsink patients” can be regarded in a more positive light “as a challenge the doctors can confidently overcome.”

Another take-home message from the findings is that it’s possible to be a conversation monopolizer without even knowing it. Was there ever a time when, either at a social function or even a doctor’s office, your nerves led you to chatter incessantly? Thinking about these situations could give you insight about yourself as well as help you in that empathic interruption process.

To sum up, finding a way to control with grace the overly long monologues of the long talkers can help you not only alleviate your own boredom and frustration but also help alleviate the emotional factors that can lead to that behavior in the first place.

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