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Chronic Pain
Holiday Cheer Is Attainable, Even With a Chronic Condition
Personal Perspective: Even with chronic pain, you can enjoy the season.
Updated December 17, 2023 Reviewed by Ray Parker
Key points
- You can manage expectations by letting go of unrealistic holiday expectations about activities.
- Mindfulness strategies can help people with chronic health issues find joy and meaning.
- Find joy in the present by focusing on small, cherished moments.
It's that time of year again. Prescribed habits and feelings inundate our newsfeeds, indicating that it's that celebratory season of giving and holiday cheer. The "most wonderful time of the year" doesn't feel too fantastic for many of us navigating emotionally or physically painful circumstances.
The loss of a loved one. Loss of abilities. Loss of the ease of living that once may have been—before learning to live with persistent pain, disability, or a chronic health condition.
For many, It can feel like a herculean feat just to make it through these days. The effort of trying to conceal our difficulties may make it harder to enjoy ourselves as we put on a happy face, trying to smile through the pain, balance responsibilities, and maintain a jovial demeanor when our spirits, minds, and bodies may want to shut down.
While we may struggle to feel true joy, we can abide by the holidays with a sense of contentment, meaning, and purpose. Here are seven strategies that can help.
1. Ditch the Guilt
Trying to be everything to everyone is tempting, but it's also impossible. Holiday expectations are no exception. Hobbling yourself with feelings of guilt can only ramp up feelings of sadness, guilt, and resentment.
The thing about any chronic health issue is that it is unpredictable. It's possible that we may find ourselves torn between feeling obligated to keep plans unfettered or bowing to our own health needs as they arise, feeling defeated and miserable about how this is how life is.
The trouble with this thinking is that it's self-defeating and unkind. It's OK to bow to the body and spirit that we currently have and to embrace it for doing the best that it can. Here's where we're offered an opportunity to find grace.
2. Be Honest With People
It has taken me a long time to realize that it's OK to admit that I can't keep up the frenetic holiday pace I used to. Saying, "I'm sorry, but I'm having a high pain day," initially felt defeating, but it also felt liberating. My family learned to ask what they could do to allow me a chance to rest up and regain some energy. It also let me off the hook from feeling the need to be the person to meet everyone's expectations (a tough pill to swallow for a lifelong over-doer).
Forging into the holidays can feel overwhelming for those of us with chronic pain or other health conditions. But laying the foundation for easing up on expectations can be an invitation to others to slow down and appreciate the presence that we share, rather than the presents and other less meaningful aspects of the holidays. The art of heartfelt honesty is a gift that everyone can appreciate.
3. Prioritize
Think about all of the responsibilities that are on your plate. Holiday plans with loved ones. Cooking or baking. Shopping. Attending holiday services. Ask yourself, Are all of these things necessary? What aspects of these habits are most stressful? Is it possible to modify or shift plans to include a rest day or break?
If you often find your tank quickly depleted by your symptoms, it's vital to prioritize what is most important to you and realize that you don't have to do everything. Baking cookies? Perhaps that's a custom to shelf (along with the elf) this year. Have you packed your social schedule? Consider scheduling rest days for yourself and stretching out your social plans beyond the holiday week. January is usually miserable, anyway. It can be done.
4. Delegate
Consider asking others for help. Zoinks, Scoob! Seriously?!? That's a hard one for many of us, myself included. Our hyper-individualistic culture promotes this "do until you die" mentality that is incredibly destructive at any time of the year. Why not use the holidays as the starting point for normalizing the strength to ask for help when needed?
Ask your family to help with household tasks. Request your guests to bring food rather than feeling that you must do everything yourself (if you're hosting). If you're a guest, consider bringing a store-bought ready-made appetizer rather than stressing out about making something from scratch, and have it ready for pick-up. (Some of the habits Covid taught us are very helpful.)
Most folks are understanding and don't mind helping or accommodating our needs. We need to ask.
5. Celebrate Small Things
Maybe it's just me, but I've always tended to try to plan for everything to be epic.
Epic vacations. Magical holidays. Big-time plans that require lots of effort and logistics. But over the years, I've realized that the small things are the most meaningful.
Heartfelt conversations that linger over the dinner table. We share memories, take advantage of opportunities to be spontaneous, and savor experiences that arise when we're not trying too hard. Over the years, I've realized that, somehow, the universe can buoy us up when we're paying attention and savoring the present moment.
6. Don't Compare
In the age of social media, it's almost impossible not to compare our situations to the lives of others. There's a reason that mental health issues are on the rise and that young people, in particular, are the most impacted. It's also true that most folks carefully curate what they want people to see: our "highlight reels."
But the adage that "comparison is the thief of joy" is also true, especially if you are struggling with symptoms or pain and feel like the rest of the world has it easier somehow. That's why it might be essential to tune into your feelings a bit more (and how you manage), focus on the things in your life that you are grateful for, and scale back on social media scrolling, especially if it isn't helpful.
7. Look for Pockets of Gratitude and Joy
One of the advantages of needing to slow down and tune into my body more is that it has allowed me the space to find opportunities to cherish moments of joy. These moments might be fleeting, but once seen, they're captured in my memory.
The hearty laugh of a loved one. The taste of a scrumptious meal. The flickering of the bright holiday lights on the bough of a tree amidst the warm glow of a fire. These small moments are endless if we look for them. They don't have to be epic. They need to be shared with those we love.
I've often felt like I've had to ward off my Scrooge-like tendency as the holidays approach, but I've found these strategies helpful. Capturing the light of the holiday season means finding meaning, sharing moments, and celebrating life—in all that it entails.
