How to Hold Your Beliefs in a Healthy Way

Dr. Cortland Dahl

Healthy Minds Innovations

By Dr. Cortland Dahl

"Just a second," I said defiantly. "There's no way you actually believe that. You're an intelligent guy. Have you totally lost it?"

I was grabbing coffee with my long-time friend Jake, and our casual conversation had quickly spiraled into a heated argument about climate change.

"I've devoted a ton of time researching this topic," he retorted sharply. "You're the one who has no idea here. You have no idea what you're talking about."

We went back and forth. I quoted facts and data. He fired back with contradictory statistics. We were both desperately trying to come across as logical and rational, but we probably just sounded like a couple of bickering children. Before long, neither of us were really listening.

We were more fixated on "winning" the debate than actually understanding the issue or each other.

This went on for several minutes before I finally snapped out of it and realized I wasn't genuinely listening to his perspective at all. All my focus was on convincing him he was wrong. I like to think of myself a level-headed, open-minded person, but in that moment, I was being inflexible and close-minded—qualities I'd never readily admit about myself.

"OK, time out," I interjected, trying to reset the confrontation. "Let’s slow this down. I'm sorry for not hearing you out." Those words immediately defused the tension. I could see Jake's body language shift as he unclenched, took a breath, and waited for me to continue.

"I vehemently disagree with you on this; there's no question. But I know there are reasons behind your stance. Let's start fresh. Help me understand why you see this the way you do."

Just like that, the whole tone changed. Jake outlined his perspective while I listened intently. Soon, he was asking me questions, too, making a sincere effort to grasp my point of view. The warmth and goodwill returned to our interaction, and we were back to a sense of mutual respect. Our core beliefs didn't change, but we walked away with a much better understanding of where the other was coming from.

Holding Beliefs in a Healthy Way

The coffee-shop political debate I had with my friend was not unique.

Our beliefs give our lives purpose, meaning, and direction, but, unfortunately, they can also be a source of alienation and division, both in our personal lives and even more so in the broader society. This begs the question: How do we get the benefits of a healthy set of beliefs without the nasty hangover of social disharmony? When we find ourselves in a heated debate, how can we stay true to our values and views without becoming dogmatic and close-minded?

At the Center for Healthy Minds, we focus our research on understanding the psychological qualities that help us to flourish in moments like these. Flourishing looks different in different circumstances. It might look like focus and creativity at work or resilience when you’re facing a major life challenge. When you’re sharing a cup of coffee with a friend and find yourself being pulled into an argument, it might look completely different. Flourishing might look like the ability to consider multiple points of view or stay true to your values while still being an empathetic listener.

Our research shows that across a wide variety of situations, there are four factors that can help us to flourish in moments like these:

• Awareness
• Connection
• Insight
• Purpose

Each of these plays a unique role in our mental health and emotional well-being, and each shows up in many areas of our lives, including how we hold our beliefs and interact with people who have different views.

Our research also shows that awareness, connection, insight, and purpose are qualities that we can strengthen through meditation, journaling, and other forms of training. They are not predetermined by our genes, nor by our upbringing and environment. They are certainly influenced by these things, but they can also be nurtured and cultivated.

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You can think of them as skills. You can learn to be more aware and attentive. You can cultivate qualities like appreciation to feel more connected and curiosity to experience more insight. You can even make a conscious choice to clarify your core values and guiding principles to build a sense of purpose. We’ve studied thousands of people who have used our Healthy Minds Program and found that people can strengthen these qualities by practicing just a few minutes a day.

When it comes to our views and beliefs, these same four qualities can help us tap their full potential to bring meaning and direction to our lives, without the less desirable aspects that create disharmony in our personal lives and communities.

4 Ways to Practice These Skills

Here are four simple tips to practice these skills for yourself:

1. Awareness: Be mindful. When engaging in conversations about your beliefs, practice mindfulness to become aware of your immediate reactions and habits. Notice if you're quick to defend your stance or if you feel your emotions escalating. For instance, if you find yourself in a debate on climate change, pay attention to how you feel when your views are challenged. Are you feeling defensive or open? This awareness will allow you to choose how you thoughtfully respond rather than reacting out of habit, facilitating more constructive and respectful dialogue.

Here's a guided practice to build more self-awareness.

2. Connection: Cultivate empathy. Use disagreements as a chance to deepen your empathy and understanding, especially with those who hold different views. When you’re in a disagreement, try to see the world from the other person's perspective. If someone has a contrasting opinion on health care reform, for example, ask them to share the personal experiences that have shaped their views. This approach can help you find common ground and foster a sense of connection. Empathy can bridge even the widest gaps.

Try this guided meditation on compassion to get a taste of practicing this skill.

3. Insight: Stay humble. Approach your beliefs with humility, acknowledging that our understanding of the world is always evolving. When discussing sensitive topics, remember that holding your views lightly allows for growth and learning. For instance, if you encounter a compelling argument that challenges your stance, view it as an opportunity to expand your perspective rather than a threat to your identity. This mindset encourages continuous learning and fosters insight through the diversity of thought.

This guided practice will help you to cultivate insight.

4. Purpose: Live your principles. Identify the issues that ignite your passion and look for creative ways to embody your principles in different areas of your life. If you're deeply concerned about animal welfare, for instance, you might volunteer at a local shelter, choose cruelty-free products, or advocate for animal rights in your community. At the same time, notice how other people are bringing their deeper motivations and values to life in different ways. Practice staying true to your own beliefs while fostering an attitude of recognition and respect for the many ways we can manifest a sense of purpose.

Try a short guided reflection on core values here.

These days, it often feels like the very fabric of society is being torn apart by our inability to simply listen to one another, but these challenging times also hold a potent opportunity. The science shows that our biology, down to the very wiring of our brains, is built to learn, grow, and adapt. When it comes to holding our beliefs in a healthy way, we can use this to our advantage. We can train ourselves to stay open, connected, and humble, even when our most cherished beliefs feel threatened.