Do You Suffer From Envy? A 7 Question Inventory

No one wants to believe they may suffer from envy, yet many experience it in a way that harms their self-esteem and emotional well-being. Envy "occurs between only two people and is best summed up as 'I want what you have.'"

According to Buunk et al. (2012), envy is a response to another person who has success, skills, or qualities that we desire, and it involves feeling a lack compared to that person.

Ask yourself the questions below to consider whether you suffer from envy as a trait, though one question is more important than any of the others.

1. As a rule, when others get special recognition for their positive traits (not just people you like), how do you feel?

One of the main sources of envy is a person feeling they don’t get sufficient acknowledgment for their contributions, whether in work, home, or social settings. In such cases, seeing others get recognized can trigger a deep sense of competition and resentment. While it's easy to feel happy for those you know and like when they get recognized, it’s healthy to feel happy for everyone when acknowledged, except when an individual is recognized on false merits. On the other hand, individuals who suffer from envy operate from a scarcity-based mindset that tells them: there is only so much acknowledgment to go around; acknowledgment is doled out unfairly, and the amount of acknowledgment available will be exhausted before it’s their turn.

2. Do you give out compliments frequently or infrequently?

Those who suffer from envy keep a tight leash on compliments, avoiding giving them out easily or often. Again, envious individuals compete for attention and acknowledgment, so complimenting others is done selectively. On the other hand, individuals who don't suffer from envy genuinely like most people, want them to be happy and like to see them succeed. They regularly compliment others, expressing what others do that is special, good, or appreciated.

3. Do you tend to be self-conscious or not focus so much on how others perceive you?

One of the most common sources of envy for envy-prone people is the confidence of others. For those who suffer from envy, self-will and confidence act like mirrors, exposing the confidence and ease they don’t feel themselves. If you are critical of yourself, seeing others who seem to like themselves and wear their confidence easily can be triggering. On the other hand, if you don't suffer from envy, you rarely feel self-conscious, and you want everyone else to feel good about themselves, too.

4. When you think about people with significantly more money than you, what do you tell yourself?

People make sense of things based on their beliefs, and it is natural to have beliefs about how money affects one's level of happiness. If you’re someone who suffers from envy, you likely have one of two beliefs about others who are financially well-off: they are either no better off than you or, conversely, they are seen as lucky and much better off than you, possessing a life you wish you had, too. On the other hand, individuals who don't suffer from envy have a more balanced and neutral view of people who have more money: some may be better off, while others may not. The point is that the non-envious position isn't defensive, all-or-nothing, or emotional.

5. How easy or difficult is it for you to come up with a list of your positive attributes on the spot?

Individuals who suffer from envy often feel triggered by particular positive traits others have. For example, one may feel frustrated or resentful that another person is more physically attractive, liked by others, intelligent, thin, and so forth. Individuals who suffer from envy are more insecure in how they see themselves and negative in how they see others and the world around them. Accordingly, they would find it difficult to come up with a list of their positive attributes. On the other hand, those who don’t suffer from envy are aware of their positive traits and can recite them in a matter-of-fact but non-boastful way.

6. How much do you think about what you post on social media and how others may perceive it?

Individuals who suffer from envy engage in social comparison to a pathological degree, impacting their daily mood, quality of relationships, and beliefs about themselves and others. Much has been written about the negative impact of social media in that it often causes negative reactions due to social comparison among the audience. Individuals who suffer from envy regularly compare themselves to others, and how they present themselves in public is carefully curated. For envy-prone individuals, social media posts are thought and rethought; photographs are edited and reviewed multiple times prior to posting; and the feedback of others is often sought before posting. On the other hand, for individuals who don’t suffer from envy, posting on social media is fun and harmless, and not linked to their value or status.

7. What would you say in response to the argument that envy is a natural experience everyone feels from time to time?

This final question is arguably the most important of those posed here. While there's no data-based way to assess one's true honesty when it comes to the degree to which they suffer from envy, my clinical experience suggests that every human being is capable of some degree of envy of others. Perhaps the most salient question for your emotional development is to ask yourself this: what tends to trigger my envy?