4 Dangerous Qualities of "Dark Empaths"

People who exhibit the Dark Triad personality type—narcissism, psychopathy, and Machiavellianism—are associated with the power to manipulate and use others for personal gain. When you add a high level of empathy, which is the ability to see the world the way others do and know what they’re feeling, you have a person who has been categorized as a Dark Empath (Heym et al., 2021).

Empathy is considered a positive trait, as it has traditionally been associated with strong social skills and the ability to connect well with others (Riggio et al., 1989). When someone understands what we are feeling, we naturally feel validated and we are positively predisposed to like someone who “gets” us. When a person is using their empathy for beneficial purposes, it’s a win-win situation, but there are times when empathy may be used to harm us.

What is a Dark Empath?

A Dark Empath not only “gets you,” but they also are intent on “getting you good,” meaning that they seek to manipulate and use you, and your goodwill, to their own advantage.

Psychopathy is a trait that removes the barriers or guardrails that most people have that keep them from acting on their more destructive impulses. Narcissists must feed their egos and have total confidence in themselves to be smarter and savvier than anyone else in the room. This trait gives the Dark Empath the confidence to assume that you are a mark. Machiavellianism refers to a person’s use of manipulation through lying or deceit to convince others to do what they want them to do.

When Empathy Takes a Dark Turn

Empathy is a trait that leads most of us to care about the plight of others. It can kick our altruism into high gear when we feel the pain another is experiencing. Hallmark commercials notoriously capitalize on our empathy through their portrayals of poignant or tender moments that move us.

Empathy comes in three main types: affective empathy, cognitive empathy, and compassionate empathy. Affective empathy is the ability to feel the feelings that another person is experiencing—like crying at a sad movie. Cognitive empathy is the ability to register the emotions another is experiencing, but there is no reciprocal “feeling” of the feelings. Compassionate empathy goes beyond feeling or understanding as it adds another component: Helping someone in need.

Some people have all three types of empathy, some people have just one or two, and some people have an absence of empathy. The Dark Empath is believed to have a high degree of cognitive empathy, the form of empathy which Dark Triad individuals have been found to possess (Wai & Tiliopoulos, 2012). This allows them to know exactly what to say and what to do in order to expertly manipulate their targets and achieve their aims.

Another study (Fino et al., 2023) explored emotional intelligence (EI) and the Dark Triad traits and found no evidence of a “Dark EI” personality. However, individuals with high Dark Triad traits and high cognitive empathy are likely to exhibit some concerning behaviors.

The Dangers of a Dark Empath

The Dark Empath tends to be higher in extroversion than a Dark Triad individual, so they are going to be more likely to be seen in a greater number of social settings and be more engaged in social interaction. While they don’t tend to experience a wide range of emotions, they are able to cognitively understand what others are feeling and this skill can be a threat to your well-being if you are in their crosshairs as a mark.

Narcissists are often initially attractive to others due to their self-confidence—and we are naturally attracted to self-confident people.

Machiavellian individuals use flattery and deceit to manipulate others into doing what they want them to do—and we like people who flatter us or show signs that they like us (Boothby & Bohns, 2021).

Empathic individuals are able to respond to others in appropriate ways due to their cognitive understanding of what others are feeling—and we like people who engage with us in ways that show they understand us or are like us (Simas & Kirkland, 2020).

Add to this very superficially likable trio of traits the presence of psychopathy and you’ve just invited a real threat to your wellbeing into your home.

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All of us know someone who uses flattery to get what they want or perhaps has an ego they can’t keep in check or loves themselves a little too much. Ideally, we want all of our good friends to show us some empathy when we need it. But the traits of a psychopath are the dealbreakers that overshadow these other “tolerable” or even “attractive” traits.

Psychopathy develops over time and the traits are clustered in three areas: interpersonal traits, which include grandiosity and manipulation; affective traits, such as a limited emotional range and callousness shown to others; and behavioral traits, which are reflected in their impulsive and risky actions.

If a person who seems to know you so well and really “gets you,” but seems to be increasingly reckless, callous, or devious in their actions, you may need to step back and take a more objective view of the relationship. Don’t allow yourself to be pulled in by flattery and held in through manipulation.

Exiting a relationship with a Dark Empath is always best accomplished as early in the relationship as it can be done to avoid as much damage or heartache as possible.

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