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Challenges Faced by Highly Rational Women
Learning to embrace who you are even when you are misunderstood.
Posted August 1, 2021 Reviewed by Tyler Woods
Key points
- Being a highly rational woman means the way you are defies social expectations.
- You may be misunderstood as being cold, uncaring, and aloof, even the opposite is true.
- The problem is not in the way you are, but in society's dogmatic idea of femininity.
People who are highly rational usually have a temperament geared towards pragmatism, reason, effective problem-solving, and creating clarity in a complex system. They thrive on analyzing systems and improving things.
As a highly rational woman, you are likely also a naturally competent problem-solver. You love analyzing things, understand the fundamental principles that underlie phenomena in the world, and have well-organized systems and frameworks in your mind.
When faced with situations that look like a dead-end to others, you are able to come up with a creative solution by synthesizing your wide knowledge base with extensive common sense.
You are highly independent, both in terms of the way you think and the way you conduct yourself. You have contempt towards group-think, corruption, bureaucracy, and rules that make no sense. You do not people-please just for the sake of surface harmony, and you will not compromise your principles for the sake of playing nice.
Highly rational women
Despite waves of feminist movements and rising awareness about diversities, our culture, by and large, has stereotypical ideas about how a woman should think, feel, and behave. The 'feminine ideal' includes friendliness, warmth, the desire to nurture, and a high degree of emotional expressiveness. On the other hand, rationality, assertiveness in thinking, confidence, and drive are not what one expects to see in a woman. Women are socialized to develop their feeling function from an early age whereas men are encouraged to have their thinking function as the dominant one. This makes you an outlier as a highly rational woman.
As a highly rational woman, your natural way of being may not fit into the gender stereotype. You are direct in expressing your opinions and sometimes you don't sugarcoat things. When others are not used to it, they may accuse you of being hurtful and insensitive, but that is not the truth. You have deep feelings, even big ups and downs on the inside, but it can be difficult for you to show it or share it. You don't play games, bubble wrap things, speak in a roundabout manner, or act compliantly just because it is socially expected to do so. Those who enjoy being with you love the fact that when they are with you, 'what you see is what you get.'
Through life experience, you have learned that you must edit yourself and not express your innermost thoughts blatantly. When you say what is really on your mind, even to you, what you say is purely logical and well-intentioned, some people may perceive it as hurtful or offensive. On the other hand, whenever you try to act as your true self—not diluting your messages, not faking smiles, not initiating meaningless small talks, not entertaining faulty logic—you end up being seen as cold or mean.
In your younger years, you might have tried to act like other people, against your instinct. Especially during your teen years, you might have tried to mimic those around you, only to feel awkward, uncomfortable, and felt like you have somehow betrayed yourself. You may find you are always the one who adapts to the way the wider world is. However, rarely do others come your way to understand the way you are wired. This may have caused you to bottle up resentment.
Many highly rational and analytical women have expressed the feeling that things would be easier if they had been male. It is not that they do not feel feminine or do not like being women, in fact, they do possess 'feminine qualities' such as empathy, sensitivity, and intuitiveness, but it can be humiliating and frustrating to constantly be put in a mold, or be seen as less competent than they are just because of their gender.
Highly rational women and relationships
Highly rational women are highly autonomous people. You still enjoy people's company, especially if it involves an exciting intellectual exchange or connection. However, you do not subscribe to the cookie-cutter idea of what relationships look like. Rather than doing everything in a pair, you prefer to come together to have an exchange while growing together as people. In fact, you can quickly feel suffocated by a demanding, engulfing partnership. Many conventionally accepted ways of coupling, such as frequent texting or daily phone calls, are not what you need.
Perhaps it is not easy for you to be particularly attracted to someone. It can be challenging for you to find someone who is compatible physically, sexually, and intellectually. You might be initially attracted to someone on a physical level, but if you later find that the person cannot hold stimulating conversations, lack common sense, or worldly vision, you may be put off.
Moreover, as a highly rational and intelligent woman, getting married at a young age or having children may not be your primary purpose in life. You may be more passionate about achieving something different in the world. But just because you do not need a relationship to be happy does not mean you are not interested in other people. Sadly, sometimes society would advise competent and independent women to dilute their true selves, or even 'dumb it down,’ to comply with societal expectations. People around you may encourage you to pretend to be what you are not, just to not appear threatening or intimidating. But, with time and maturity, you may eventually come to see it is better to be on your own than to be in a relationship with someone who refuses to accept you for you.
After experiencing many frustrations in the dating scene, you may feel some degree of despair and aloneness, but that does not mean finding a suitable partner is not possible for you. Instead of putting up a false facade and pretending to be who you are not, or succumbing to society's expectation of traditional gender roles, or compromising your standards, you may find it is better for you to remain single than to compromise for sub-optimal relationships.
If you are a highly rational woman, please know that the problem is not in the way you are, but in society's dogmatic idea of femininity. Just because you don't fit into the dogmatic notion of femininity does not mean you are not feminine. You do deserve to be surrounded by people who cherish your natural gifts and love you for who you are.
