Escape the Monkey Trap of Unhappiness

How do you know if you are stuck in the "Monkey Trap" of an unhappy situation? For example, you might feel trapped at work, in a relationship, or in the grip of an addiction of some kind.

I'll explain the Monkey Trap in a moment. But as for knowing if you are stuck, metaphors can help. For example, if you feel all clenched up, tight-fisted, and your insides are tied up in knots, that might give you the clue that you are snared in a trap!

Yes, you can escape that impossible trap!

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The real question is this: When we are wound up tight and feel trapped, how can we let go and loosen the Gorilla Glue-like grip of whatever it is that holds us?

This is not an easy task, but research from interventions such as Mindfulness-based Relapse Prevention gives hope for escaping such traps.

For instance, studies show that self-monitoring of negative affect and cravings can help serve as a kind of interrupter that breaks the cycle of craving—and actually rewires the brain's response and behavior in the moment.

The Monkey Trap

The Monkey Trap is based on a story I once read of how hunters used a unique method for capturing monkeys. A hollowed-out gourd was fixed to the ground, and tempting food was put inside. There was a hole barely large enough for the monkey’s hand to fit through and grab the morsel. Now, here's what made this an ingenious trap.

Once the monkey grasps the food with a clenched fist, its hand is too big to pull out. Yes, the monkey could get unstuck by releasing the food and yanking out its hand. However, the iron grip of attachment, greed, and desire for this food keeps the hand clenched. The monkey is trapped by nothing more than its own unwillingness to let go!

This is a powerful metaphor for our own “stuckness,” or any time we are trapped by a strongly held belief, rigid idea, or desire that keeps us frozen in place. In addition to feeling stuck, we may likely experience feelings of helplessness and hopelessness.

Fortunately, you can learn what a monkey caught in a trap does not know:

The secret to getting free from almost any unhappiness trap, addiction, or unbending belief system is simply learning to let go of it.

The Monkey Trap Meditation for letting go is excerpted from my book The Mindfulness Toolbox, which includes many other meditations and practices.

Escape the Monkey Trap Meditation

Pre-meditation questions: Everyone deals with some kind of a monkey trap in their life. The trick is to first become aware of the trap (which the monkey couldn’t do) to get free. What traps leave you feeling stuck, unhappy, anxious, depressed, or tense?

Keep in mind that any idea or strong belief—such as the perfectionistic need to get all “A’s” in school or the fear of messing up and not being liked—are traps that cause immense pain. On a sheet of paper, write down one or two of your “traps."

Next, ask yourself, “How strongly does this idea or belief hold onto me, my mind, and my emotions? You can even rate this on a 1-to-7 scale, with 1 being no hold on you, or 7 representing a “super glue” hold. Don't judge yourself. Accept that you are simply making observations and learning more about yourself—without shame or blame.

Now, let's move on to the Monkey Trap Meditation:

Find a place that is quiet and calm. Sit in a chair, taking an erect but relaxed posture.

• Visualize your "monkey trap" or the cause of that anxiety or dis-ease and dis-comfort as being located in that gourd that traps monkeys. Now, imagine extending your arm and squeezing your hand through the gourd’s narrow hole and grabbing onto whatever it is that you feel is absolutely necessary to have. Notice how this is actually a form of grabbing onto, attachment, and craving.
• As you hold on, focus on how tightly your hand is clenching onto your craving. Feel how tight and painful it is to hold on like this. Keep holding and feeling the sensation that comes from this kind of grabbing and holding on so tightly to something.
• Now, ever so slightly, give yourself permission to let go of the craving, to let go of that idea or belief that you believed that you must absolutely possess. What would be so horribly bad about letting go of it? Would you be a pariah? Would you have no other options in life? Notice how the craving can be so narrow, limiting, and overpowering that it can make us forget about other possibilities! As you let go of the craving, or monkey trap that holds you, simultaneously release the tension in your hand.
• Spend at least two minutes slowly letting yourself release and let go of this craving. You might say to yourself, “In this moment, I can relax my mind, relax my hand, and relax my need to grab onto the craving.” Slowly release your clenched fist. Feel how the blood returns to your hand. Notice how your hand has freedom of movement. Observe the pleasant sensation that comes from letting go. Now, slowly extract your hand from the “monkey trap” and leave your craving behind for the moment. Shake your hand and fingers for a few seconds, savoring the freedom of full movement that they now enjoy.

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Conclusion

Congratulations on learning this new approach to letting go! How did it feel to let go in this way? To what extent did this meditation change the perception of your craving or lessen how strongly you are holding onto your “Monkey Trap”?

Use this simple meditation each day, or whenever you need help you deal with feelings or beliefs that constrict you and keep you clenched up and tight.