These 4 Qualities Are Highly Attractive, but Beware

Source: Terrillo Walls / Unsplash

We are drawn to certain qualities in other people, qualities with undeniable appeal and influence. Some of these qualities are more superficial or behavioral, and others are more meaningful and enduring. Sometimes these qualities enhance relationships, and sometimes they hinder them.

The presence of and interplay between more or less superficial and deeper attributes shapes our expectations and interactions, influencing the course of relationships in subtle and profound ways.

While we must always be careful about viewing a human being in a reductionistic manner, such as by calculating worth on the basis of characteristics, we should also consider the reality that some personal attributes hold greater value in the big picture and the long run. This is as true in personal relationships as in professional ones.

The significance of personal qualities in interpersonal relationships has been the subject of extensive research. By and large, we tend to be drawn toward people who are funny, smart, assertive, or physically attractive. Arguably, these represent the four most common types of social magnetism.

While these attributes are universally valued, the degree of importance attached to each quality varies across cultures. That said, and especially in the Western world, we like people who make us laugh and who don't take themselves too seriously. We admire people who are knowledgeable and articulate. Assertiveness can be quite attractive, as it suggests someone is comfortable in their own skin and has a strong sense of self-worth. And for better or worse, we are often drawn to people whom we find visually appealing.

Source: Kristijan Arsov / Unsplash

It goes without saying that these qualities don't necessarily make someone a good partner or friend. Sometimes, these qualities can actually be detrimental to a relationship.

While a sense of humor is important, it can be a double-edged sword. Someone who is always cracking jokes might struggle to be serious, which can be frustrating for those around them. For some, humor may act as a defense. They might struggle to have meaningful conversations or express vulnerability.

Individuals with a good sense of humor are often perceived as more approachable and likeable. The use of positive humor positive humor leads to enhanced work performance, job satisfaction, and group cohesion. However, sometimes humor is used to ridicule, offend and upset, and an excessive use even of otherwise harmless humor may act as a defense mechanism that impedes meaningful communication and emotional intimacy (Taylor et al., 2022).

Intelligence can be attractive and problematic. While it's admirable to be knowledgeable and articulate, someone with a sharp mind for facts and logic may struggle to connect with others on an emotional level (de Vries, 2017). They may even be more interested, in effect, in proving their intelligence than in listening to and learning from others.

Source: Rene Ranisch / Unsplash

Assertiveness is sometimes accompanied by a critical blind spot. A study by Ames et al. (2017) revealed that while assertiveness is often perceived as attractive, excessive assertiveness can lead to interpersonal conflict and hinder effective communication. While it's important to have a healthy sense of self-worth, someone who is overly assertive can come across as arrogant or dismissive of others' feelings. They might be less willing to admit when they're wrong or to compromise. High levels of assertiveness can evoke opposition, triggering self-reinforcing cycles of conflict escalation.

Physical appearance is perhaps the most superficial of all these attractive qualities. Physical appearance tells us very little about someone's personality or character. In fact, someone who is overly focused on their own appearance might be shallow or insecure.

Nonetheless, physical attractiveness is an incredibly powerful factor, especially in romantic relationships, but even in social connections. Studies have indicated that it can generate a halo effect by which highly physically attractive "individuals appear to be more confident, extroverted, happier, and healthier...due to an internalization of the treatment they have received" (Palmer & Peterson, 2021).

Attractiveness also can bring with it a "smoke and mirrors" factor. Initial impressions risk higher discordance with what is later revealed.

Ultimately, as Lamy (2020) found, "for men and women alike, beauty has no advantage in terms of love received, or given... It could be stated that physical attractiveness creates attraction, but it is not enough to create love."

Relationships Essential Reads

How to Be a Hopeful (Instead of Hopeless) Romantic

10 Ways to Spot a Love Bomber

Of course, individual preferences shape attraction toward specific personal qualities. Some individuals prioritize humor and confidence in their relationships, while others place greater value on intelligence and emotional depth. Human attraction is complex and multifaceted.

Source: Clement Hugbo / Unsplash

And yet, these preferences are mostly surface-level, unreliable, and, in some cases, fleeting. Deeper qualities truly make someone a good partner or friend: kindness, empathy, trustworthiness, and reliability. Even in the professional sphere, diligence is very often more valuable than intelligence. These qualities are not as flashy, but they are the ones that are most likely to stand the test of time.