Why Empathy Is a Must for Leaders

Empathy

PICRYL

While even the most determined leaders must be flexible, they must rely on another trait that allows them to be flexible: empathy. When a leader displays empathy—which means putting oneself in another’s shoes—he or she seeks to understand what other people need and expect. In this posture, leadership becomes an ongoing negotiation: What do I want? What do they want? How can we compromise?

Any such negotiation becomes effective when a leader understands that they cannot lead unless they make the compromises necessary to draw people into their enterprise. So, being a leader is not just about oneself (What do I want to accomplish? How will I get there?). Rather, it involves creating a group of people who feel that one’s leadership also serves them. The balance is delicate, since there is no value in conceding too much. But without striking the right balance, no deal may be possible at all—in effect, no one will want to be led.

A leader’s determination, therefore, is tempered by the concerns of others, who can always make a choice not to follow the path that a (would-be) leader hopes they will.

The element of choice—your constituents’ free will—should focus your attention and shape your behavior. Instead of thinking, egocentrically, What do I want to accomplish? you should ask, What should I recognize about the people I hope to lead so that they’ll feel confident in me as a leader? To follow through on that question effectively, you must understand the people you lead—that is, you must put yourself in their shoes and understand what they would expect to accomplish by following you.

The basic assumption of empathetic leadership is that leaders cannot assume a passive constituency, which accepts the leader’s efficacy and goodwill. By seeking to recognize what others want out of a leadership relationship—by recognizing that leadership is a relationship—leaders actively engage with their constituency. They demonstrate in their own actions that they are attentive to other people's expectations. “I am listening. I care,” should be their modus operandi. Of course, they should mean it.

Think, for a second, about how such an approach might play out.

Determination would, in part, involve knowing how to revive an offer to get to Yes. It would involve the willingness to make concessions—and then make the most of them because you’ve hired the right people and created a context where they will feel loyal. In fact, empathy is what lawyers call a “condition precedent” to loyalty, in that unless you are empathetic, your troops will feel no inclination to follow your lead. They should believe that you understand their best interests and are taking them into account.

So, flexibility and empathy are two sides of the same coin—certainly in a leadership context and, more generally, as we proceed through life. Of course, not everyone approaches life this way. One of my clients, a hot-shot executive, never empathized and had to make do with acting as if she did. For her, empathy was an act—usually effective, but not in every case. It never came naturally because, even when she had been younger, she had made no effort to appreciate others’ positions. For her, “empathy” was an exercise and largely rote (Hmm, I wonder if I sound sufficiently concerned). Worse still, she made no effort to learn enough about her constituents to develop empathy.

Another client, however, felt considerable empathy because he and the people he hoped to lead shared several common objectives; they were all aspiring musicians seeking to break into the downtown music scene. He appreciated these objectives and used them to appeal to the people he hoped to draw into his orbit. This was the foundation of a successful strategy, even though it came naturally to him, and felt less like a strategy than the way he might naturally continue doing business.

Of course, his modus operandi was immediately plausible because he operated in a familiar space. It may be harder to execute in unfamiliar territory. Then, an aggressive learning process may be required. Eventually, however, we can learn enough to develop empathy, which we can deploy as we work to become successful leaders.

So, as you think about the relationship that leadership entails, ask yourself:

• Do I understand the concept of empathy? In practical terms, it means the capacity to imagine what other people feel so that you can respond to their needs.
• Am I naturally empathetic, or do I have to work on it, especially in environments unlike the one that I ordinarily inhabit? Am I willing to do the work?
• If I display empathy, do I expect a quid pro quo, i.e., something in return? As a natural response, empathy is not transactional. It should not be confused with making a bargain.
• Do I display empathy initially and strategically, but then expect people to look out for themselves like adults? Half-hearted, grudging empathy is easily detectable and won’t help you in the long run.

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In business settings, it’s tempting to dole out empathy as if it were a perk, some kind of reward. But in fact, it is a means through which individuals can effectively relate to each other before ever coming to an agreement about anything. It signals that we take other people seriously, even if they do not share our ideas and objectives, thus making them more likely to respond in kind.

Although empathy used to be considered a soft skill, it is now regarded as essential for workforce management. This is because empathy is the basis of trust. No one will trust you if they see no evidence that you understand their point of view. This is why former airline pilots are often chosen to be airline executives when they age out of flying (these guys naturally understand the stress of being in the cockpit, piloting a plane, dealing with all the technology). So, think about my client who naturally displays empathy and how his understanding of others gave him the necessary flexibility to lead.