Adult ADHD and Criticism

A recently published study examined the responses of 162 adults with ADHD to open-ended questions completed online about their experience receiving criticisms from others.¹ There is ample research establishing that individuals with ADHD of all ages (or even with subthreshold features) commonly face stigma, social rejection, scorn, or exclusion by others. This study is particularly relevant as a window into the social contexts and relationships of adults with ADHD and how the core features of ADHD affect them, and how negative feedback, in turn, impacts adults with ADHD and their self-views. Importantly, the study emphasizes the “perceived criticism” as reported by the respondents, the message that “gets through” to and is metabolized by the adults with ADHD. (Respondents either screened positive for high ADHD traits but did not self-report any formal diagnosis or screened positive and self-reported a diagnosis of ADHD.)

The types of criticisms

The results indicated that there was a high degree of overlap among respondents on the types of behaviors that generated negative reactions by others. These behaviors are generally consistent with the contemporary understanding of ADHD as essentially a problem of executive dysfunction or poor self-regulation — and in particular, the inattention domain of symptoms, which includes not only distractibility but also issues related to organization, follow-through, forgetfulness, time management, and other facets of reliability. These are important enough to perceived social functioning that 90 percent of participants cited this domain as the main source of criticism. The attributions by others of these behaviors listed in responses included “lazy,” “careless,” and “unfocused.”

In the social setting, impulsivity emerged as the primary source of disapproval. This feature of ADHD in adults includes talking out of turn, saying the wrong thing at the wrong time, being too loud, and dominating the conversation. The gist of the feedback described by respondents was that they were acting in a non-typical manner, perhaps even inappropriately at times. They added that such misattributions likely led to discord with others or created irreparable damage and ended some relationships.

The delivery and effect of criticism

The delivery of criticism came via many avenues. Adults with ADHD experienced jokes at their expense and downward comparisons with others, and they felt judged and even rejected by others. It is possible that some of these perceptions were intended by non-ADHD people to be helpful, joking, or well-meaning comments but many ended up cutting deeply.

Criticisms can leave adults with ADHD feeling "broken," but understanding and acceptance is healing.

Source: thiago matos/Pexels

Nevertheless, adults with ADHD reported lowered self-worth. Such reproaches left individuals more aware of the negative views of others, and more suspicious of and on-guard for further negative judgments, criticisms, and rejections. Some adults with ADHD adopted a view of the differences that were seen negatively as examples of their uniqueness and as positive traits in other relationships and settings. Moreover, some individuals tried to discern any helpful feedback that might inform constructive changes and the use of coping strategies.

Unfortunately, avoidance is considered a central response to difficulties in adult ADHD, and this was the case in many participants’ reactions to rebukes. The participants in the study reported avoiding the people-places-and-things that might put them in situations with a risk of reproach. The negative views led some to view themselves as “broken,” misunderstood, and wrongly perceived. Such withdrawal, though, has unhealthy ripple effects for well-being and functioning on many levels.

The healing benefits of understanding and acceptance

On the other hand, understanding and acceptance by others had beneficial effects that offset the aforementioned effects of criticism. Such positive relationships, including with educators and helping professionals, produce greater self-esteem. Such understanding of the nature of ADHD is central for couples in committed relationships in which at least one partner has ADHD. Parenting children and teens with ADHD can be challenging, but catching and acknowledging positives is an important facet of any sort of behavior plan.

Even in psychosocial treatments for adult ADHD, there is a necessary focus on dealing with the problems that lead someone to seek help, but it is also essential to identify what is already awesome about a person and make use of those capacities at the same time. As the adage says: There is nothing that is wrong that cannot be fixed by what is right.