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Anxiety

How Ruminating and Obsessing Can Trap Me in My Own Mind

My first post-pandemic pedicure.

The term to ruminate is defined as, “To think deeply about something.”

The term to obsess is defined as, “To preoccupy or fill the mind continually, intrusively, and to a troubling extent.”

Pexels/Cottonbro
Burgundy, Holiday Red, Maroon, Vamp...make up your mind.
Source: Pexels/Cottonbro

Although these terms are somewhat similar, when examined more closely, they have a unique psychological effect on the mind when applied to certain situations.

Yesterday, I went to get a pedicure. It had been almost two years since my last visit, and my toes were in tough shape.

I decided to go to a new salon that had opened nearby. When I entered, I realized it was kind of fancy. My previous salon didn’t have special massage chairs, but it did have reasonable prices. Meanwhile, this new salon charged 32 dollars for a pedicure, which caused me to ruminate.

Rumination is used to describe: Contemplation. I found myself immediately contemplating my decision. Do I pay this price or walk out the door?

Ruminating can also mean: To consider. I began to consider my options. I could go back to my previous salon. But the last time I was there, a cockroach scurried across my chair, I flicked it into the pan of water on the floor by my feet and watched it drown.

After self-inflicted rumination, I decided to stay put, pay double the price, and get a pedicure on a clean chair in a sterile environment.

Once I sat in the chair my mind switched to obsessive thoughts. Obsessing is a term used to describe: A domineering state of mind. Picking the right color began to dominate my thoughts; I found myself obsessing over making the right choice. When the pedicurist handed me the color palette, there were dozens of options to choose from, and I began to feel overwhelmed and anxious. I was paying a lot of money, I haven't had a pedicure in a long time, and I wanted to be sure I picked the right shade.

I landed on a burgundy tone but was still struggling with my decision. I asked the pedicurist for her advice and she said, “I have one for you.” I always rely on professionals to help me with these decisions. When she showed me a similar color she said, “This one is good for the holidays.” It was similar to the burgundy, just a lighter shade of red, and I began to ruminate as I went back and forth in my mind on which color to choose, and finally thought to myself. Go with your initial selection.

When she started the pedicure, I continued to consider my decision. Did I pick the right one? Maybe I should change it? I grabbed the bottle; I wanted to know the name thinking maybe that would be a sign that I made the right selection. Spicy Berry. Okay, that’s not bad. Then as I continued to be controlled by my ruminating thoughts, I wondered what the other one was called?

At this point, mid-way through the pedicure, I realized my contemplating thoughts were ruining the whole experience, and impeding my ability to relax and enjoy the luxury of the moment.

Then my mind switched gears, again, and I started to obsess.

Obsessing is a term used to describe: To preoccupy. I was so preoccupied with the color that it precluded me from noticing there was a remote control to operate the chair with different levels of massages. I paid all that money and wasn’t getting the full experience, all because of my obsessive thoughts.

Obsessing can also result in compulsive behavior, and when it was time to paint my nails I couldn’t let it go and made a compulsive decision to possibly switch. I asked the pedicurist if I could see the other holiday color one more time. When she tested it on my nail, I knew I had made the right decision. I’m sorry for being annoying, but after two years of plain ugly nails, determining the color was essential.

When my toes were done, I was satisfied. I sat in the chair waiting for them to dry and probably stayed there longer than usual. I wanted to spend time in the chair, and better savor the experience.

When I walked home I thought about what should have been a relaxing experience, but my obsessive and ruminating thoughts had gotten in the way.

Next time I find myself in a situation where I am engaging in ruminating and or obsessive thoughts, I will try and catch myself. There is no point in being trapped inside my own mind.

Even if it is just a pedicure.

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